15 Starbucks Seasonal Cups That Didn’t Make the Cut

Every day is a season

The PSL or pumpkin spiced latte is back at Starbucks with a reminder that fall is here. Sure, it’s not technically fall, but it’s not technically pumpkin spice either. This particular latte is spiced like a pumpkin pie, which is infinitely more delicious than being spiced like a pumpkin which is kind of bland.

Next will be the dreaded holiday cups which continue to create controversy where there is none. Starbucks, it is surmised by the author, creates this fake news so as not to draw attention to their other ‘cup failures.’ Really, they are a big company with some crazy-ass ideas.*

Here is a tall sample of the cup ideas Starbucks had in production but removed to avoid ensuring their holiday cups were the star attraction.

1. Octoberfest and St Patrick’s Day cups kept falling over and spilling regardless of what was on the outside.
2. The slutty Halloween costume series was a bust or too much bust. You decide.
3. Thanksgiving Day Cups somehow made the coffee skim over like gravy. No one seemed thankful.
4. The snowflake series — every cup was different. Something about cost on this one made these fail. Come on Starbucks, you just charged me $3.54 for a coffee, you can afford to make me feel special.
5. A Festivus cup that aired its own grievances with catchy little phrases all over it like, “If you don’t ask for a Venti, you are weak.” And, “You didn’t send me a birthday card either!”
6. New Years Day cups seemed to be used more for vomit than coffee so everything was tossed.
7. The heart-covered Valentine’s Day cup created a stir when customers said their name was Romeo, or Whereforartthou making calling out drinks for Baristas uncomfortable.
8. Earth Day cups no one wanted because customers felt like hypocrites holding their non-recyclable beverage containers.
9. The Good Friday cups bled wherever you placed your hand.
10. Memorial Day cups were graced with medals of honor but no one really thought through the pin problem.
11. 4–20 cups we can’t remember, man, but they were dope.
12. Mother’s Day cups just wanted to be left alone.
13. Independence Day cups included a sparkler in every drink. Really people, tell your toddlers not to eat the fire. That’s on you.
14. Pride cups were covered in glitter. This messy idea was the only thing put back in the closet that month.
15. Labour Day cups just didn’t work.

*None of these are the actual ideas of anyone affiliated with Starbucks, that I know of. Enjoy your controversy-free PSL.