14 Short Story Tropes That Should Be Banned, Like, Right Now

Stop using ‘the human condition’ as an excuse for laziness

No one seems to want to admit it, but half the stories that get written up as “brilliant” are anything but.

I could browse any number of literary magazines on any given day and see at least 10 stories that are nothing but some version of miserable people in miserable situations thinking about how miserable their situation is. And I’m talking really good magazines, and writers whose bios are drenched with accolades. The prose style may be good, but the plot is, well, divorce. Or someone’s grandmother dying.

“But that’s the human condition!” the writers will say. And yes, human lives everywhere have the same patterns, the same elements that evoke emotion and create the potential for interesting interactions, regardless of socioeconomic or cultural background.

But the point that writers miss is that the element itself cannot be a story. An element like divorce is a tool, like active voice or close third-person POV, that’s part of the process of constructing a good story. Repeat — a part. The story itself needs to have a plot structure, an interesting hero and at least one moment we didn’t see coming.

But apparently, that’s too much to ask for. “It’s a short story, it’s a glimpse into their lives, it’s not meant to tell the whole tale!”

…and that attitude, 90% of the time, leads to dull fiction.

All of the following are elements that are regularly used as entire stories on their own. So overused are they, in fact, that I can barely tell between one written by Alice Munro and one written by Wannabe Alice. Read, be aware, and be better than this. (And if you’re seeing this, Wannabe Alice, it’s not too late to change.)

Girl has a bad first boyfriend experience

The boy inevitably tries to force himself on the girl, after which the girl goes home and has deep thoughts about the boy and herself in relation to him. There is a friend, who is either a partner in crime or a queen bee to be jealous of. If the girl is not white, the boy is white, and therefore evil.

Kid’s parent is a jerk

The parent is either an abuser, or a cheater, or an alcoholic, or all three. The child does child things and attributes peculiar meanings to them. Many of those kids are writers, many come out as gay, many do both. There may be a dog.

Family goes on vacation and falls apart

The parents are going through a sex crisis, possibly a separation. There’s a beach, an annoying neighbour and an overpriced drink menu. Some sort of run-in with the hotel staff will happen. Basically White Lotus without the visuals or the razor-sharp pacing.

Woman with a mid-life crisis has an affair that leads nowhere

The affair partner is someone younger, urbane, smoothly sympathetic. It takes place while she’s on holiday, possibly after she gets cheated on or gets a divorce. It’s told in dreamy, quiet prose with at least one sunset or moonlit night thrown in. At some point, she stares at a photo of her ex.

Gay person has sex/wants to have sex

Takes place in an indeterminate urban setting. The main character is pursuing someone, which doesn’t stop them from assessing every person they meet as a potential fuck. A prolonged, painful description of the chase and the inevitable disappointment, for which the only cure is having a flurry of casual sex. There may be a cat involved.

Weird trippy observations about one’s own body

Told in disjoint language and most often from a woman’s perspective. She sees her body as a hyperbole, such as her vagina being a cavern of hidden promises. No discernible plot. She may dwell on men who failed to see her for the goddess she is.

Random events happen and are linked with some family lore/cultural myth

Someone’s Nespresso machine getting a leak is tied to their great-grandmother’s prediction about Noah’s Ark Part Two. Suburban settings, often at a party or a wedding. Someone gets drunk and says some moderately shitty things.

Non-white person comes to America and thinks about things

Food, in particular. In essence, the non-white person’s cultural food contains spice, and is therefore superior to mayonnaise. Liberal descriptions of strict immigrant parents, and a slur-dropping white teenage boy appears somewhere. May begin with “The first time I (insert “American” act, such as kissing or doing drugs), I was (something incongruous that is supposed to be interesting).”

Woman has a bad boyfriend/husband

The badness itself ranges from laziness to infidelity to violence. The story’s focus is on the woman’s detached acceptance of it. One feels as though she is staying in the relationship solely to document his badness. There’s an unhelpful phone call from her mother and a “he’s a jerk, you’re a goddess” validation from her bestie.

Someone has cancer

Easiest way to drum up sympathy for otherwise unmemorable characters — give ‘’em cancer. Common motifs include coughing blood, a hospital bed, an awkward son being of no help, bad hospital food and a casserole. At some point there are reminiscences, during which a past affair may come up. The nurses are cheerful.

Nosy kid sees something they’re not supposed to see and gets traumatised

At some point, the writers read either Atonement or The Go-Between or both and thought it would be a great idea to condense them and pass them off as something new. The thing they see, of course, involves sex.

Elderly person reminisces about the past

In one category, this happens in a rocking chair or while sorting through photo albums. In another, there’s more movement, with the elderly person doing things and being conscious that they could do said things much better when they were younger. A delivery guy may show up.

Person getting a divorce

The staple of every American writer, young or old. Lengthy internal monologue about how the divorced/divorcing person is feeling — at some point someone picks something up and is transported back to some memory of the good times. Children either make innocent remarks or are indifferent to it all. The plot can quite literally be summed up as “someone gets divorced”.

Married guy has affair with younger woman

Bland accounts of his double life are switched up by some mentions of guilt. There’s a tedious sex scene, maybe two. The woman is portrayed as either a shrew or some kind of goody-two-shoes who tries to act like they’re all one big happy family. The man may or may not leave his wife, but there’s almost certainly a description of the affair partner’s dewy youth.

What are the story tropes that you’re tired of reading? For that matter, what are the stories that you’d like to see more of? Share your thoughts, and maybe share some stories you’ve read that don’t fall under these tropes. Heaven knows we could do with some original content on our feeds.

Now let me go rewatch some White Lotus.