13 Ways to Talk Dirty Like a Pro
The hottest things men have ever said to me, and how you can make that list for your partner.
We’ve all been there- things are getting hot and heavy, and suddenly the words come out of your partner’s mouth: talk dirty to me. If you’re anything like me, you freeze like a deer in the headlights. The best sex I’ve ever had has almost always involved some form of dirty talk, but it can be hard to know where to begin. I’ve always felt slightly goofy the first few times I utter something dirty to my partner, but in the heat of the moment questions and requests can quickly move from silly to steamy.
A while ago, I started keeping a list of the hottest things my partners said to me. Phrases and sentences whispered in the heat of things or before things had begun that stuck in my head. I’d replay them when I was alone, reliving the moments, relishing the heat that rose in me when I did. I can still recall the moments they were uttered, with a flutter of longing.
So how do you make that list for your lovers? Here are 13 tips for building your repertoire and making sure the words you whisper are remembered.
Practice makes perfect
Like anything worth doing, becoming a pro at talking dirty requires practice! Most people aren’t great at it out of the gate. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable, because our culture teaches us to repress our desires and not to talk about sex. The more you do something, the easier it gets, and the more you talk dirty, the more naturally it will come (pun intended!).
Start slow
There’s no need to go from zero to sixty in 4 seconds. Starting small and slow will help you ease into the world of talking dirty. Try using compliments to take your first steps. I love the way you look at me eventually transitions into I love the way you look underneath me. I want to kiss you is a great first step on the path to I want to put my mouth all over you. Give yourself a goal, commit to using one or two sexy phrases in a day or night, then build up from there.
Use your senses to entice your partner
Using the sights, sounds, tastes, and feelings around you is another super-simple way to dip your toes into creating chills with your words. We all have specific sounds and sights that really rev our engines, so share them with your partner by speaking them out loud. I once had a lover tell me, You have the best o face. What partner wouldn’t want to hear that the way they look when they get off is a turn-on for their partner?
When another partner whispered into my ear, you make the best sounds, it made my knees buckle.
For many people, the sounds their partner makes during sex are a huge turn on. So when another partner whispered into my ear, you make the best sounds, it made my knees buckle. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be fancy or intricate. Sometimes, the simplest phrases are the most enticing.
Make it about them
Is there anything sexier than feeling sexy? No! Making your dirty talk all about your partner is an easy way to bring on the seductive vibes. Instead of telling them what you’re feeling, tell them what you like about them. Sometimes, this means slipping something sexy into the conversation, telling them which parts of them turn you on. Other times, it can be a little deeper.
It’s not always dirty, per se, but telling your partner how much you appreciate them and why can still be sexy when it’s done in bed. When one guy looked at me with hungry bedroom eyes as I rode him and told me You’re not a Barbie doll, but you’re beautiful, it sent waves of excitement through me.
Express the moment
I know a lot of people get stuck in the inspiration stage when it comes to what to say in the heat of the moment. After all, our brains aren’t exactly at their most eloquent when we’re high on oxytocin and orgasms. Use what’s happening as inspiration for talking dirty to make it easier. Just after I came for the first of many times one night, one lover looked at me with amazement and said, how many more of those you have in you?! I felt powerful and appreciated, and loved his expression of surprise.
Tell them how they affect you
I’ve been guilty in the past of not expressing the things I love or what my partners do to me. Sometimes it can be easy to assume they know how you feel, how much they turn you on, or what you like about getting it on with them. Some people are more perceptive than others, but beyond that, it feels good for someone to tell you what you do to them even if they already know.
I never get tired of my partner telling me how good I feel around them, or that I’m driving them crazy. Especially in those moments when I’ve been feeling unsexy or we haven’t been connecting, a reminder that no one makes me cum as hard as you do is a welcome turn-on!
Notice your partner
This is another area where sexiness can be more about focus than about raunchiness. When your partner looks at you after a particularly intense orgasm and asks, are you okay, that’s them paying attention to how you’re doing and also acknowledging the intensity. One of the first times I dabbled in BDSM play, my playmate whispered just breathe into my ear as he inflicted pain on me. His words made me feel safe and assured me that pleasure was coming, and it did.
Another partner looked at me as we lay in his bed and said, I knew we’d be good together.
Another partner looked at me as we lay in his bed and said, I knew we’d be good together. I loved knowing that he’d noticed things about me, that he’d thought about me and desired me in the time between when we’d first met and when we finally slept together. Sometimes, letting your partner know you really see them is the sexiest thing you can do.
Build anticipation
Anticipation is one of the most delicious things there is, and dirty talk is one of the best ways to build it between or during physical encounters. Sexting can be a great way to lead up to a full evening in bed, but can also be the impetus for a super hot quickie that feels like it’s been happening for hours.
An unexpected message in the middle of the workday or at a crowded party can be a game changer. Knowing your lover is somewhere else thinking about you is powerful, whether they’re across town or just across the room undressing you with their eyes. You can still build anticipation once you’re alone together. In the midst of making out, one man whispered, I want to devour you, and take you all in, and get drunk on your body. I’m not sure how he managed to be so concise in that moment, but it definitely did the trick.
Give instructions
Telling someone what to do can range from a suggestion to an instruction to a command depending on your relationship. When I arrived at one lover’s house for our second rendezvouz, he looked me over, then said, take off your clothes, I’ve been waiting for you. Expressing your desire with instructions can be super sexy, and you don’t have to be into heavy BDSM or dominance play to appreciate a little bit of a take-charge attitude in the bedroom.
Giving instructions can be as simple as telling your partner, shhh, someone might hear. It can remind them of risk and the idea of being found out can really up the tension. Whispering not yet or wait for me can also be a huge turn on and a great way to play along the spectrum from edging to orgasm control.
Pile on the praise
Who doesn’t love being told when they’re good at something? No one I know! Many people have insecurities when it comes to sex or how good they are at performing in the bedroom. Dirty talk can be a great opportunity to banish those fears for good. When you’re going down on a partner and they moan and say you have some serious talent or your mouth is amazing, it’s hard not to want to keep giving all you’ve got.
Get specific, and give your partner genuine praise about the things you like.
Get specific, and give your partner genuine praise about the things you like. When my partner said I love how you suck my cock, it’s like every stroke is a labor of love, he was showing a genuine appreciation for the hard work I was doing.
Hint at losing control
One of the things I discovered during my sexual awakening was how good it can feel to play with the edges of control. When a lover speaks to me in a way that makes me feel like I drive them so crazy they aren’t sure they can handle it, I feel almost like a goddess. When things are getting hot and heavy and he says I can’t wait, I need to be inside you with an edge to his voice, it makes me want him there.
Another lover told me, I have tried to play nice, but I find it hard to play nice around you. The whisper of attraction so strong it had to get dark was enough to have me shuddering. Loss of control is a common fantasy, and one that can be really fun to play with in the bedroom.
Stay true to yourself
This one is so, so important. There’s no need to say things that feel unnatural coming out of your mouth. Sex is intimate and personal, and so is finding your groove with talking dirty. If you don’t like the word cock, don’t say it. If even a hint of domination makes you uncomfortable, leave it out.
It’s important to be authentic and truthful because that’s what’s really going to turn your partner on. Stick with things you really love, don’t try to make things up. It’s great to go outside your comfort zone, but you have to get used to talking dirty within that zone first.
Remember the secret
In her article on Dirty Talk, Sarah Martin, MA, CSC reveals the real secret to success when you’re verbalizing your filthiest thoughts:
The secret sauce in all three of these approaches to dirty talk is that you simply share what is true.
After all, dirty talk is all about desire, and when you’re about to get down and dirty, the desire is certainly there. Start by trying one or two of these methods, and you’ll be shocked at how quickly you can build up a bank of sexy words and phrases your partner loves. Before you know it, they’ll be thinking about the words you spoke long after you’ve parted ways.
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