Summary

The author reflects on the essence of a long-term partnership through personal insights and the wisdom gained from forty years of companionship.

Abstract

In an introspective article titled "12 Thoughts When Spooning at Dawn," the author delves into the intricacies of a lifelong partnership, drawing from a recent conversation with their child about choosing the right partner. The piece, set in the early morning hours, is inspired by the author's contemplation while embracing their partner at dawn. It serves as a review of the author's journey, emphasizing the importance of trust, love, and mutual growth. The author posits that partnership is a journey of self-discovery and shared experiences, rather than a destination with a clear answer. Through a series of reflections, the author outlines twelve thoughts that encapsulate the foundational elements of a fulfilling and enduring relationship, such as mutual support, acceptance, shared joy and sorrow, and the ability to be vulnerable with one another.

Opinions

The author believes that the choice of a life partner is not about certainty but about embarking on a journey together.
They suggest that a partnership's success is not guaranteed but is something to be nurtured over time.
The author emphasizes the significance of being present for each other during both difficult and joyful times.
They highlight the importance of trust and emotional safety in a relationship, allowing both individuals to be their true selves without fear of judgment.
The author values the balance between lightheartedness and seriousness in a partnership.
They advocate for equal acceptance and consideration between partners, rejecting any hierarchy within the relationship.
The author concludes that true companionship means being able to lose oneself in the other person while still being supported and cherished.

12 Thoughts When Spooning at Dawn

How to know if the choice was right, a review when cuddling after 40 years.

The Disclaimer : I am not boasting the years I have accumulated, that is not my intent, I was fortunate and I recognize everyone has their own road to walk. I do not want to admonish anyone nor thump dictates into another, that would be pointless for no road is smooth and all paths have bumps which give the journey dimension.

The Location and Time : In bed at 4 A.M. thinking of what to write when I rolled to one side and found familiar curves that simultaneously distracted and inspired my mind sending my thoughts racing drunkenly to the conversations and late night walk of the previous day. (Perhaps the disjointed collection of scratchings below are the product of that. I cannot be held entirely responsible… I did mention the distraction of curves.)

The Purpose : I think it is of value to watch the sunrise and hear the considered thoughts of others who stumble through the journey most humans travel, in whatever shape or combination they may choose.

The Hypothesis : I believe we are cast with the intent to define ourselves by partnering. The partner in our current times can come in a variety of choices and genders, it can also arrive as a pursuit; artistic, scholastic, religious, even silence. For me, perhaps like many, it was a walk along a path with another being.

The Inciting Argument : The previous night I was caught in discussion with one of our children who was on the edge of wandering into his thirties and was assessing his situation about partners, futures, commitments.

He leaned back and slowly spun the slender glass of shiraz. He gazed at the rich ruby liquid. If wine could think, the few ounces held a vast treasure chest of understanding. The wine was far more tranquil than the turbulence of thoughts buffeting his mind. He glanced up and the question arose, “Sure, but how do you know if it is right?”

“You don’t. That is the journey.”

“Dad, you are so not helpful.”

In truth, I thought I was, maybe it was a bit too ‘Lao Tzu’.

He sensibly looked to his mother.

A meditative smile graced her face. (I know that is an insane expression, but she can do this. It is an awesome moment, like the moment when a baby falls asleep … I digress.) Her words were simple and few, distilled wisdom is like that, “You want to be happy to grow old together.”

That was the point that shot into my mind at 4 AM.

The Parameters of Definition: I believe it is vital to remember that the sun shines even behind the clouds. It is imperative to know, that behind the clouds of any partnership there is a trust ( the contract) and a love ( the emotion).

So, in the darkness of dawn, as I stroke the curves drifting in a silent waft of sleep beside me, I considered the contract I entered into long ago, but in some ways not long enough, it could be double and the guidelines would be the same. I hope he reads this. If not, it is good to record what I know after forty years in a contract of emotion.

The results to his question, ‘How do you know?’

I want to be able to hold your hand when I am afraid — I must know that you are beside me and will stand beside me, a rock to anchor me in troubled waters.
I want to share my wrinkles — I must know that my imperfections are not demonized or belittled, but accepted as they are… me for all of me, what I am.
I want you to live my successes and soothe my pain — the journey of ups and downs is one we walk and drink together in total support.
I want to grow old with you — I must be assured, that as we fade in the twilight of years, we each can be the bench or resting post to enjoy subtle moments together.
I want to give my body with all its faults and know it is safe with you — I want to feel inspired by you, and for you, to reach the best of myself.
I want to trust my fears with you and know they are supported — my vulnerabilities and imperfections, fears and doubts must be cupped in your hands of support and giving.
I want to cry with you — we must be able to share sorrow openly.
I want to laugh with you — we must be able to drink in the joys of life.
I want silliness and seriousness to walk hand in hand — vibrancy laced with youth along with wisdom aged with understanding, should echo and be shared equally in our conversation.
I want consideration not judgement — to be listened to and appreciated as a mind and soul, is the perspective of the road we gaze down together.
I want equal acceptance not unbalanced consideration — there exists no hierarchy of position, the sun warms the earth equally, no one must stand in the shade of another.
I want to be able to lose myself in you — in the tumult and tempest of emotion that is human love I must give myself up and know you shall still hold my my hand.

I shifted closer to cuddle but the meditative, ‘baby sleep’ smile danced across her lips and I was dismissed upstairs to my computer. I took the twelve thoughts from the sheets and left the smile asleep in bed.

Thanks for reading.