11 Ways to Immediately Change Your Life for the Better

No, making your bed isn’t one of them.

This isn’t another self-improvement list about how meditating, getting enough sleep, and drinking plenty of water will lead to a more fulfilled existence. While that’s all good advice, and I’ve written a few of those lists, we don’t need one more blogger or influencer reminding us to not look at our phones an hour before bedtime.

It’s 2020, we know all of that.

Question what you read. If any of this advice doesn’t sound right to you, skip it. Take what works and delete the rest.

Small actionable refinements make the most significant difference and lead to dramatic shifts over time, like a glacier moving. When you make tiny adjustments, you will be less likely to give up on them in the long run.

The only way to make a lasting shift in any area of your life is to make it a life change and understand this isn’t a dress rehearsal, this is your life.

Right now.

Here are some ways to live better.

#1. Say “No” — a lot.

Say yes to the right things. Say no to everything else.

Learn to say no to those things you don’t want to do, those non-essentials in your life, tasks that aren’t adding value, but rob you of your energy.

You know the ones. When you say “yes,” and you immediately regret it.

Those.

Say yes to those events, people, and tasks that fill your life with gratitude, joy, and value.

You know the ones. They are the ones that when you say yes, you are immediately excited and look forward to them.

Say no to any distraction that interferes with getting the life you want a year from now.

Time is a limited resource, so when you say no to what doesn’t matter to you, you will have more time for what does matter to you, whether that is writing, your business, your health, or your loved ones.

If you make your moments matter, everything will eventually fall into place because it’s important to you.

And remind yourself often that “No” is a complete sentence.

Those with boundaries will understand your no.

Those who don’t. Oh well.

Caveat — If you have children, you will not be able to say no to the many things you want to say no to. Like picking up your teen at their friend’s house at 9:00 pm when your yes includes reading Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow in bed, (I’m on page 254, I’m getting through it this time!).

Pro tip — Teach your children to be self-sufficient from an early age. They should know how to clean up after themselves, how to do their chores without being reminded, able to do their own laundry, make meals for themselves, and figure out solutions to problems before coming to you. Teach them grit. When you teach self-sufficiency, it will allow you can say no more often.

#2. Only say yes when it’s a “Hell, yes!”

When Tim Ferriss interviewed his friend, Derek Sivers, he mentioned he only says yes to things when it’s a “Hell, yes!”

The exclamation point is required.

Derek Sivers wrote the unusual business book, Anything You Want.

The gist of the book is, it’s your world — your life — set it up the way you want. Don’t follow the herd. Just because they are going one way doesn’t mean you have to. We are fed norms that sometimes don’t serve our best lives.

When Derek Sivers said he only does those things that garner a, “Hell, yes!” I felt lighter for having heard him say this.

Imagine if you only did the things you really want to do.

For the last two years, I’ve shifted toward this “Hell, yes!” thinking, and my body is lighter for it. I carry less stress and anxiety. I feel less pressure to do something I do not want to do; the “Hell, yes!” advice has been a gift.

When you say yes only to the things you really want to do, all the extra stuff falls away.

It can be difficult at first to say no to people in our lives often, we don’t want to disappoint people, especially those close to us.

Those who love you will understand.

When you finally say yes to something, the person who invited you knows you really value them and really want to spend time with them because you rarely say yes.

#3. Pay yourself first.

This is one of those we know, an oldie but goodie we haven’t heard in a while.

I’m getting reacquainted with this great advice because I’m teaching my daughter about compounding interest, and my degree in Economics wasn’t that long ago.

The only thing better than money to me is passive income. Money buys freedom for me, the freedom to spend my time doing what I want.

If you have time, investing and holding is the easiest way to become a millionaire.

No matter how much you make, pay yourself first.

If you can’t pay yourself 20% (which I believe you should aim for), start with 10%.

Have it automatically deducted from your bank account into a savings account if you do not already have a rainy day fund saved.

If you already have an emergency fund, then have the 20% go into an IRA or a mutual fund account so you can benefit from compounding interest to fund your retirement.

You can invest in stocks with as little as 500 dollars.

Open an E*TRADE account or something like that to start investing in the market. Invest long term.

If you have a long time before retirement, like my 14-year-old (I’m investing for her), you can be more speculative in the stocks you choose.

I buy individual stocks recommended by the Motley Fool guys. The Stock Advisor team has outperformed the market (the S&P 500 Index) 3-to-1 by rigorously combing every corner of every industry for overlooked companies poised to shatter the market.

If you don’t have much time before retirement, you want to be a bit more conservative. Diversify your account, and make sure you are investing in safe mutual funds.

If you’re unsure of which stocks to buy, make trades through a qualified agent.

I like investigating companies and reading financial reports. If you don’t like doing that, look for a qualified brokerage firm and work with a broker.

#4. Go one month without buying anything.

For the entire month of June, I didn’t buy anything extra, with the exception of food.

It made me realize I buy unnecessary little things all the time — that will eventually end up in a landfill somewhere — and I’m not aware that I’m doing it.

An extra something at Target lands in the cart, a seven-dollar impulse purchase at the check-out counter at Whole Foods, another purchase on Amazon with the click of a finger — too much unnecessary stuff not only drains our bank accounts, but it also depletes our energy.

When you buy something, you have to take care of it, whether it’s a new iPhone or a projector to watch movies in your back yard.

You have to put things away, keep them clean, find a place in your house for them, worry about where your $1,200 smartphone is at all times because it costs as much as a used car, and this all demands energy.

Think about that before you make a purchase.

Our stuff ends up owning us, not the other way around.

This is especially true if you are charging purchases to a credit card you can’t pay off in full. Then you are really playing in negative returns.

I’ve been practicing minimalism for the last five years. I rarely spend money on anything except food, clean water, education, experiences, and a roof over my head.

It’s freeing.

#5. Let go of resentments.

Like, today. Make a choice to do it.

For the past two months in the U.S, 1000 people have died each day from the novel coronavirus.

This vicious pandemic has reinforced the notion that life is, indeed, short. We have right now.

Drop your resentments — all of them.

You will feel lighter if you let go of the ten-year grievance you are carrying with your sister, parents, peers, and friends.

Make the decision to let it go. Do it for yourself.

#5. Forgive.

While it is important to forgive, it is harder to forget. Forgive, but know, you do not have to hang out with those who have hurt you in the past.

Changing who you surround yourself with is one way to improve your life today.

You are the total of the five people you surround yourself with. I fought this notion for a long time. I thought my mind was too strong and disciplined to allow the people I spent time with to affect my habits. I didn’t believe others’ negative talk would impact me.

This is not the case. It does.

People influence you on a subconscious level, in infinitesimal ways that are so small you can’t discern them.

If someone has hurt you, forgive them, and move on.

Surround yourself with the people who lift you up, guide you in positive ways, and make you feel better for having been around them. If you are emotionally drained after spending time with a friend or family member, reevaluate the time you spend with them.

#6. Figure out who the heck you are and go after what you want.

Far too many of us do things to please other people, parents, partners, spouses.

We get sucked in by other people’s expectations of who we think they want us to be. Who cares? What matters is who do you want to be? What are your values and dreams? Follow your path and figure out what you want your life to look like today, and fifty years from now.

The first step to getting what you want is to have the courage to get rid of what you don’t. — Zig Ziglar

Let go of mistakes and judgments about how you handled the past. It is gone, there is nothing you can do about the past.

Let it go and focus on new habits to make the future promising.

#7. Let go of perfectionism.

Perfectionism doesn’t exist.

It only holds us back, locked in a box. Trying to be someone we are not.

We all have flaws, we are human. We make mistakes, we hurt, we bleed, we die.

Stop making your life harder by chasing the unattainable.

If you allow people to see the real you, you’ll immediately find your tribe — your true friends — those in your corner cheering you on, who have your back, and really love you.

Let go of those who don’t.

Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life. — Anne Lamott

There is no harm in making mistakes or being wrong, as long as you course correct when you’ve made a mistake and apologize when you’ve wronged someone. That is called being a grown-up.

Letting go of perfectionism, being honest with yourself and those around you may be challenging at first if you’ve been trying to look and act perfect.

Real honesty is the cornerstone of success in life and in relationships. When you are honest with yourself and those around you, your confidence will blossom, and you’ll step into your truest self, who you were meant to me.

Stop pretending, it doesn’t serve anyone, most of all you.

Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are . — Brené Brown

#8. Intermediate fasting.

I believe doctors will eventually prescribe intermittent fasting to help cure and prevent diseases like cancer, obesity and diabetes.

Intermittent fasting has changed my life and made me a better writer, mom, and partner. I’m a better human because intermittent fasting makes me feel healthy, energetic, and alive.

Intermittent fasting allows me the energy I need to get my day accomplished.

How I do it: I stop eating at 7:00 pm each night. When I wake, I have two shots of espresso (no milk, cream, oat milk, or soy — straight espresso) I then have an all vegetable smoothie at 11:00 am.

That is a 16 hour fast — 7:00 pm to 11:00 am.

Women benefit from fasting anywhere between 12 to 16 hours.

By day three, your body is used to it, you don’t miss eating in the morning or late at night.

Benefits:

• Blood levels of insulin drop drastically. This drop facilitates fat burning. Who doesn’t like mindless fat burning?
• Enhances hormone function.
• You don’t have to think about breakfast.
• It can reduce insulin resistance.
• Reduces inflammation in the body. Inflammation is the cause of many autoimmune diseases.
• May prevent cancer.
• It is great for brain health, making you more focused and less distracted.

#9. Ditch the alarm clock.

If you can, wake up naturally.

Try to wake from natural light. Throw open the shades before you go to bed — when it’s dark outside — so the sun wakes you when it rises if you need to get to work or drive the kids to school at a certain time.

I haven’t used an alarm clock in over a decade. I find it the most unpleasant way to start my day, even if I wake with classical music or some other soothing sound.

I wake up naturally, usually at the same time every day between 6:30 and 7:00 am.

I’m not jarred awake by noise, only the birds chirping outside my window, I wake with the sun, which is congruent with my natural rhythm.

According to Bill Fish, a sleep scientist for Tuck Sleep,

“waking up with the sun also allows your body to wake up gradually, in a natural process, instead of being startled out of much-needed REM sleep — aka the deep sleep your brain needs to learn, store memories, and regulate your emotions.”

Waking up with the sun allows you to start the day peacefully.

#10. Nurture your mind with positive thoughts.

What you think about is what you become.

Read uplifting books, watch empowering TV, and listen to positive podcasts.

Books open our minds to new ideas and make us think differently; they inform who we become.

What you read, watch, and listen to will inform your thoughts and your actions.

The mind is a powerful thing; most of us haven’t figured out how to harness our thoughts to maximize our full potential.

We allow negative beliefs, negative feedback loops, or something hurtful someone important said years ago to sabotage us in the present, even if only in the subconscious mind. What you read, watch, and listen to will inform your thoughts and your actions.

“Your belief, or faith, is the element which determines the action of your subconscious mind.” — Napoleon Hill

After I watched the documentary, I’ll Be Gone In the Dark on HBO — while a fascinating and powerful story — it affected my thinking and sleep negatively for at least a week, probably two.

I know myself, I’m sensitive to violence.

I would love to read books about serial killers, it is a subject that fascinates me, but I don’t, because I value my sleep and my thoughts more.

#11. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

Social media makes this challenging, with people humble-bragging on Facebook and Instagram like it’s their full-time job.

Before logging on to these social media sites, I think carefully about whether I should waste time scrolling. Then I remember we all post the glossiest highlights of our day edited within an inch of a photo’s life.

It isn’t the reality.

The reality is all the stuff that didn’t make the cut.

The quickest way to unhappiness is to compare your life to others because you’re comparing your reality to their surface life.

You will never know what is really going on behind the scenes in someone else’s life. They show you only what they want you to see, it is curated for the outside world.

You will never know what is going on behind the scenes in someone else’s life. They show you only what they want you to see; it is curated for the outside world.

You will never really know what their relationships are like or what their home life is inside their walls, what the energy feels like.

The number one determinative factor of happiness is the quality of your relationships.

The quality of our relationships is what determines the quality of our lives. Who and how do you love? And how were you loved in return? The answers to these questions are what those on their death beds contemplate, not whether they drank enough water during the day or how much money they accumulated in their stock portfolios.

It’s, did I love, and was I loved in return that counts in the end.

Invest in yourself. Make small positive shifts that you’ll adhere to; this is what leads to a lifelong change.

Take what speaks to you, leave the rest.

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Jessica is a writer, an online entrepreneur, and a recovering Type A personality. She lives in Los Angeles with her extrovert daughter, two dogs, and two cats.