11 Things that Make Women Vulnerable to Having an Affair with a Married Man

I know that women are often demonized for having an affair with a married man — probably more than they deserve to be, sometimes. That being said, I don’t believe that any woman going into an affair does so on purpose — that she sees a man and sets her mind to seducing him away from his wife.

What I believe is that women have certain vulnerabilities that might make them more likely to enter into an affair. If we can identify what those vulnerabilities might be, we might have the opportunity to address those vulnerabilities before a potential affair even raises its ugly head.

Here are 11 things that make women vulnerable to having an affair. Perhaps knowing them will help women stay out of a dead-end relationship and find the love they seek.

#1 — Daddy issues.

Many women who get involved with a married man have been emotionally or physically abandoned by their fathers.

For women, their first formative male relationship is with their father. If their father isn’t actively involved in their lives, it can affect every relationship that they have with any man.

I know that for me, my father wasn’t around much when I was a teenager, when I was figuring out how to be in relationship, and because of that, I have struggled for years with healthy relationships.

So, if you are one of those people who have a big hole in your heart left from your father’s absence, don’t try to fill it with a married man. I can promise you, it won’t work!

#2 — Commitment issues.

I know that legend has it that only men have commitment issues, but many women do as well.

Perhaps they have been deeply hurt before and don’t want to be again. Perhaps they are afraid of abandonment such as their father did to them. Perhaps they don’t want to give up their independence.

The reasons that a woman might have commitment issues are many.

Why are women who have commitment issues vulnerable to affairs with married men? Because, with a married man, you don’t have to commit. With a married man you get to have fun times and sex when you want it and then go back to your regular life.

Do you have commitment issues? If yes, consider if that’s why you are considering this affair and how it relates to those issues and perhaps addressing those commitment issues instead of ignoring them would be a good idea.

#3 — Caregiving.

Are you one of those people who is a caregiver, particularly when it comes to men? If yes, you are 100% vulnerable to having an affair with a married man.

Why? Because married men who enter into an affair are damaged. It is one of the major reasons that they seek the comfort of an affair to heal them.

And, if someone is a caregiver, nothing is more attractive than a man who needs to be fixed.

I know that when I was having my affair, I would look at this man and see everything that I could do to fix him and I was sure that, if I just loved him enough, I would succeed.

Unfortunately, our affair was only a band aid for his issues. When he was with me, he felt loved and whole, he said, but really, his issues never went away, no matter how long I stuck around or how much I loved him.

So, are you a caregiver? Does the idea of fixing a damaged man appeal? If yes, you are very vulnerable to getting involved with a married man.

#4 — Loneliness.

This is probably the most obvious reason. If you are lonely, you are vulnerable to any kind of bad relationship, including an affair.

For many women, they are exhausted from dating apps and stupid meetings with men who aren’t right. When a man appears in their life who they are emotionally and physically attracted to, they feel like their ship has come in. But, it hasn’t. Their ship is only making a temporary stop.

Don’t use loneliness as excuse to get involved with someone you shouldn’t get involved with — and don’t use it as an excuse to stay when you know that you shouldn’t!

#5 — Your parents did it.

I know — we all believe that we can break away from the patterns that our parents taught us. After all, we are younger and wiser, correct? Nope.

Both of my parents had affairs and they were affairs that played all through my childhood and adolescent years. My siblings and I were lied to and deceived and had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like.

So, what happened? I got involved with a married man. I knew that I was repeating history, but I just couldn’t stop it from happening (or I could but didn’t fight it hard enough!)

Did your parents cheat? If yes, try to break the generational trauma and get away from your married man.

#6 — Magical Thinking.

I know, I know. You believe that this man is your soulmate.

After all, you connect in every way. I am guessing that your affair only started after months of emotional connection, where you could be honest and vulnerable with each other and were amazed that the person thought the same way you did.

Unfortunately, this person is not your soul mate. This person is just another broken soul who you connect with. And you are no different from every other woman having an affair with a married man who believes that meeting this man was meant to be and that it is a love like no other.

Nope. I am afraid, it’s just another affair that is going to end in disaster!

#7 — Ancient history.

When I got involved with a married man, he was someone I had been in love with in college. The feelings weren’t reciprocated, and he was one of those men who I always wondered about.

When he reappeared and wanted to love me, I was over the moon. Everything that I felt for him back in the day came rushing back. I believed that we were meant to be, after all of these years.

Unfortunately, in this time of ubiquitous social media, this happens way too often. People reconnect with an old love and it takes them back their younger days, when the future was bright and love was easy.

So, don’t be fooled into thinking that a past (married) love is the right person for you. They aren’t! (Bummer, I know!)

#8 — An unhappy marriage.

This is most the most common reason that people get involved with married men — because they are in an unhappy marriage.

I always say that people who have affairs are trying to fill a hole in their life. That some piece of their marriage is missing and that it’s easier to try to fix it with someone new then try to address the issue at home.

And, to make things even worse, when someone’s emotional and/or physical needs are being addressed elsewhere, the notion of working on a marriage disappears, so marital issues don’t ever get addressed.

#9 — Money.

For many women, getting involved with a married man can mean being wined and dined and treated to fancy hotels in faraway places. And this is appealing, especially for someone who can’t afford to do this on their own.

This one is pretty straightforward, so I am not going to dig in it any more than that.

#10 — Addictive tendencies.

Women who enter into affairs often do so because they have addictive tendencies.

Affairs, I am afraid to say, are addictive. Once you get that taste of love and lust, of feeling wanted and needed, the thrill of being in a bubble and hope for the future, it’s hard to let go of.

I always tell my clients that it is the addiction that they have to feeling young and alive again that is hardest to let go of, other than their married man. They are afraid that if they walk away, they will go back to their old, boring, sexless self.

It doesn’t have to be this way, I tell them. Look at this affair as a wakeup call and go out and get the life you want … after you break up with your married guy.

#11 — Low Self Esteem.

Women who get in affairs with married man often have very low self-esteem.

Perhaps they have been beaten up by past relationships. Perhaps they aren’t happy with their job or their life. Perhaps they have issues from childhood that they haven’t yet resolved. The reasons are many that someone might have low self-esteem. And, whatever the reason, it probably leads them to do lots of not-so-great things!

Is this you? If yes, perhaps it’s time to get some help so that you can overcome these feelings and get the life that you want.

So, there you go — 11 things that make someone vulnerable to having an affair with a married man.

I am guessing that, if you are involved with one, you are feeling pretty desperate to figure out how to get out of it. Or maybe you are the edge of getting into one and you know are wondering if it's a great idea.

Either way, take a good hard look at yourself and see if any of these things resonate with you. Understanding them might enable you to make healthy next steps to get the life that you want!

You can do it!