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them. I’m not thinking about forever, I’m thinking about right now. If we only have this night together, I’m going to enjoy it. It helps that I’m a nosy extrovert who loves hearing other people’s stories, I’ll admit.Dating should be fun. It shouldn’t be hard. So make the parts you don’t enjoy a little more simple:<ul><li>If you hate picking out your outfit — wear the same one for every first date.</li><li>If you hate dealing with traffic — suggest a spot convenient to you.</li><li>If you don’t want to waste your weekend on first dates — only date during the week.</li></ul>I have a pretty great pre-date ritual. A good meal (don’t want to be drinking on an empty stomach, after all), a bomb playlist while I get ready, taking my time to do my makeup and pick out a fun outfit, then heavy car jams to pump me up on the drive over. I enjoy each step of the ritual, from putting on perfume to picking out a song to get me excited.And for the date itself…let’s talk. I don’t like coffee dates. They feel too much like networking to me. I prefer drinks as a go-to since I don’t want to commit to an entire meal with someone. But I regularly shake things up. Here are some of the dates I’ve had in the last six months:<ul><li>Karaoke (after a few drinks, and yes I sang the Spice Girls)</li><li>Trivia</li><li>Sledding</li><li>An NFL game ( this was for a third date)</li><li>Bowling</li><li>Laser tag</li><li>Rollerblading</li><li>A bike ride</li><li>Going to an art festival</li><li>Walking at a local park or botanical gardens</li><li>Hiking</li><li>Comedy show</li></ul>First dates don’t have to be boring! Think outside the box. Rollerblading came about because we both enjoy doing it, but I haven’t gone since I had a nasty spill a few years ago, and he encouraged me to get back on the horse.<h1 id="dfbe">Don’t just date your ‘type’</h1>I tend to go for a certain type of guy, as I’m sure a lot of us do. That’s changed recently. I joke to friends that my character growth of late is dating shorter guys, something I wouldn’t have considered a few years ago. I’ve taken this time to explore beyond my usual archetype. Short guys, tatted guys, younger guys, nearly anything goes. It’s a good exercise to expand your horizons and move past self-imposed dating limits.From this, I’ve learned that some things I thought were important to me a

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ren’t as significant as I imagined them to be — but I’ve also seen the alternative as well: confirmation of what I want in a partner.Examples:<ul><li>Height isn’t as important as I thought it was</li><li>Neither is age</li><li>A commitment to an active & healthy lifestyle is important, as I had previously believed</li><li>So is having a good relationship with his family</li></ul>I’ve also learned about new things that are important to me, such as having fun, being extroverted, and more.<h1 id="4026">Be honest about who you are</h1>This lesson might be a function of not only dating a lot but also age.Some of the best dating advice I’ve received is to ask yourself: “Do I like him?”Not just: “Does he like me?”Part of this includes being upfront with who you are.I’m an open-minded person, or so I like to think, but there are a few things I know to be certain:<ul><li>I don’t like beer</li><li>I get really seasick</li><li>I prefer large dogs to small ones</li><li>And so on….</li></ul>I have to be honest about these things.If I’m on a date and a guy mentions his boat, and how it’d be fun to go together, I’m only making the situation worse if I say: “Yeah! I’d love that.”Ideally, I’d love to go on a boat. I want to love the water. But it doesn’t love me back, and that’s something I’ve come to accept.I think part of the reason I was slow to acknowledge these truths is that I want to be liked.On a date, you want the other person to like you (assuming you also like him, as I mentioned above).I used to worry that if I said I got seasick a guy would be off-put and less interested.At the end of the day, though, it’s inauthentic to be dishonest about the things I know to be true about me. You have to start with a solid foundation, which includes truthfulness, even if it isn’t in alignment with the other person.Besides, I think if he really likes me, he probably won’t care that I can’t do boats.My final thoughts: Dating helps you get a better sense of what is important to you in a partner. It can be tough but look for ways to find enjoyment in it. Like most things in life, you get out the effort that you put in with dating!</article></body>

11 Men, 6 Months, and 3 Lessons

What I’ve learned in my season of singleness

Last fall, I found myself single (it was my doing, and a decision I was quite happy with). Two back-to-back relationships meant that I hadn’t been single for more than two months since I was nineteen, or seven years ago. As I re-entered the dating scene, I resolved to be more mindful in dating — i.e., not jump into a relationship with the first guy that looked promising. Or to put it more plainly: It was time to date for fun.

This was a new concept to me. Previously, I’d always dated with the intention of a relationship.

What’s the point of dating to date, I thought to myself years ago.

Now things are different. I’m living in a city I don’t want to settle down in and I want to enjoy being selfishly single for a little while. One day I’ll be married, and I’ll look back and be happy that I explored while I had the chance. Moreover, I’ve adjusted to being single. At first, it was uncomfortable. Who was my emergency contact? Who would care about the mundane details of my daily living? Now, I have a full life — hobbies, friends, family, and travel. I feel really good about how my life has evolved. To add a partner to that — he’ll have to add a significant amount of value to my life to make it worthwhile.

Since December, I’ve gone out with 11 different men. Some I saw for over a month, others only for a date. I had a weekend with three dates, and I had a month I only (regularly) saw one person.

So without further ado, here are 3 lessons I’ve learned from the last six months.

Dating is as fun as you make it

I have single friends who dread dating. And I get it! Getting dressed up, hoping you click with the person, investing your time and energy into an unknown situation.

It’s important to reframe the situation, though.

Here’s how I view dating: I’m connecting with someone new and getting to know them. I’m not thinking about forever, I’m thinking about right now. If we only have this night together, I’m going to enjoy it. It helps that I’m a nosy extrovert who loves hearing other people’s stories, I’ll admit.

Dating should be fun. It shouldn’t be hard. So make the parts you don’t enjoy a little more simple:

If you hate picking out your outfit — wear the same one for every first date.
If you hate dealing with traffic — suggest a spot convenient to you.
If you don’t want to waste your weekend on first dates — only date during the week.

I have a pretty great pre-date ritual. A good meal (don’t want to be drinking on an empty stomach, after all), a bomb playlist while I get ready, taking my time to do my makeup and pick out a fun outfit, then heavy car jams to pump me up on the drive over. I enjoy each step of the ritual, from putting on perfume to picking out a song to get me excited.

And for the date itself…let’s talk. I don’t like coffee dates. They feel too much like networking to me. I prefer drinks as a go-to since I don’t want to commit to an entire meal with someone. But I regularly shake things up. Here are some of the dates I’ve had in the last six months:

Karaoke (after a few drinks, and yes I sang the Spice Girls)
Trivia
Sledding
An NFL game ( this was for a third date)
Bowling
Laser tag
Rollerblading
A bike ride
Going to an art festival
Walking at a local park or botanical gardens
Hiking
Comedy show

First dates don’t have to be boring! Think outside the box. Rollerblading came about because we both enjoy doing it, but I haven’t gone since I had a nasty spill a few years ago, and he encouraged me to get back on the horse.

Don’t just date your ‘type’

I tend to go for a certain type of guy, as I’m sure a lot of us do. That’s changed recently. I joke to friends that my character growth of late is dating shorter guys, something I wouldn’t have considered a few years ago. I’ve taken this time to explore beyond my usual archetype. Short guys, tatted guys, younger guys, nearly anything goes. It’s a good exercise to expand your horizons and move past self-imposed dating limits.

From this, I’ve learned that some things I thought were important to me aren’t as significant as I imagined them to be — but I’ve also seen the alternative as well: confirmation of what I want in a partner.

Examples:

Height isn’t as important as I thought it was
Neither is age
A commitment to an active & healthy lifestyle is important, as I had previously believed
So is having a good relationship with his family

I’ve also learned about new things that are important to me, such as having fun, being extroverted, and more.

Be honest about who you are

This lesson might be a function of not only dating a lot but also age.

Some of the best dating advice I’ve received is to ask yourself: “Do I like him?”

Not just: “Does he like me?”

Part of this includes being upfront with who you are.

I’m an open-minded person, or so I like to think, but there are a few things I know to be certain:

I don’t like beer
I get really seasick
I prefer large dogs to small ones
And so on….

I have to be honest about these things.

If I’m on a date and a guy mentions his boat, and how it’d be fun to go together, I’m only making the situation worse if I say: “Yeah! I’d love that.”

Ideally, I’d love to go on a boat. I want to love the water. But it doesn’t love me back, and that’s something I’ve come to accept.

I think part of the reason I was slow to acknowledge these truths is that I want to be liked.

On a date, you want the other person to like you (assuming you also like him, as I mentioned above).

I used to worry that if I said I got seasick a guy would be off-put and less interested.

At the end of the day, though, it’s inauthentic to be dishonest about the things I know to be true about me. You have to start with a solid foundation, which includes truthfulness, even if it isn’t in alignment with the other person.

Besides, I think if he really likes me, he probably won’t care that I can’t do boats.

My final thoughts: Dating helps you get a better sense of what is important to you in a partner. It can be tough but look for ways to find enjoyment in it. Like most things in life, you get out the effort that you put in with dating!