11 Lessons On Relationships From A Successful Lawyer In His Prime

“I never made this mistake. But the first time I did, the deal later went south fast”.

On this particular day, I was privileged to be in the right place at the right time. The stage was set and everything was perfect. He came upstage to talk to us. We were young men in a measured crowd, with a hall that could hold no more than 100 people at a time. I was privileged to be there. Then he started to speak; He was overflowing with wisdom and fully convinced with what he was sharing. This was his life experience. His signposts on his road to success. We responded with rapt attention and a listening ear.

Two mornings before, I was hurriedly trying to sign up for a Life series event that my In-law had shared with me a day before. I filled the type form. Wrote a short intro on why I should be picked out of thousands that were applying. Paid the commitment fee, and hoped for the best. Fortuitously, I was picked for the event and made my way across several cities to be there.

The lessons shared below were major talking points taken from his keynote speech.

The Relationships You Form Will Be The Bedrock Of Your Success

“Never Underestimate Relationships. Spend your younger years forming good strong committed relationships. I will be sixty-one years old in four months and I let me be the one to tell you that you don’t form new friends at sixty-one. All the friends I have now were people I met at the university and in high school.

After university, we formed a club to stay closer to each other. Today, we do business and make money Together. We throw jabs at each other and play with each other. Our friendship is sustainable even when one of us is not present. It is built on trust, loyalty, and commitment. A good relationship is like being in a bond. It’s being comfortable with a person and being able to play with them. It’s a two-way street. It requires constant work.

There was a time when we lost a close friend of ours, the family was having money troubles, and it was clear they needed financial support. It wasn’t even a question of who would assist them financially. We put his daughter through college and were like fathers to his children because of the relationship we had.

At this phase in your life you need to think about what you have built in your relationships so far and the things you should start doing.

What do you need to do to build relationships?

Honor Thy Father And Thy Mother

Honor thy father and thy mother. For more days in life and for you to be successful. Your relationship with your parents is the only relationship that begins from birth and plays a massive role in who you are. You can never go wrong building great relationships with your parents because they are always there and their blessing goes with you always.

Show Up And Commit

To build committed relationships you need to show up and commit to the parties involved. I was always there for my friends and they were always there for me. The club we formed held us closely together for many years before we finally stopped considering it a club. But we were there for each other. Through thick and thin. We recommended each other and shared ideas. Today we are all successful.

When you are with friends and family commit to building the relationship. Keep social media out, especially phones. In our club, we had a “no phones rule”, so we had no choice but to talk to engage each other. Be present with people and stay committed.

Never Fight A Man For Money Or Women

You do this and no matter what, that man will never trust you entirely again. These two things are dear to a man’s heart, His money, and the woman he loves. Money has ruined great relationships that may never be mended again.

Be Passionate About What You Do

People are always looking to form a great relationship with passionate people. Passionate people exude a certain kind of energy. Have a passion for what you do and strive to be the best at what you do. Great relations form out of being good at what you do.

As a lawyer, I’ve been in positions where I would have compromised my integrity. But because I had a firm belief in what I represented at the time It brought in many admirers and lifelong relationships.

I recall being in a meeting with the VP of a Big-time company with billion-dollar investments in my home country. Midway through our meeting, he made a negative comment about lawyers from my country but I was having none of it. I knew the value I had and was committed to my craft. When he saw my reaction, he apologized and trusted me more as a person. I went on representing the company and working together with them for many years.

People are always watching to form great relationships. So, always show passion and commitment to what you do.

Pay Attention And Listen

If you pay more attention to people, if you listen to people, really listen. You will have stronger and more lasting relationships. In conversations with people, your job should be to listen more than you speak.

It’s is fascinating how much you can pick up when you listen and how many better insightful questions you will ask. And if someone really gets you, they will want you around. You will always have your turn to speak if you listen and don’t interrupt.

Be Trustworthy

You are not going to get anywhere if people don’t trust you. As a lawyer, I am a good judge of character. If you look hard enough and listen well enough you can tell when someone is not trustworthy. You can’t form a relationship without trust. And trust me the people with whom you want to form meaningful relationships are always on the lookout for trustworthy people.

Say no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. Stick to your values and put it on like amour. Let people recognize you for your honesty, integrity, and truthfulness.

Sometimes all you have to say is no. Do not compromise your values for anything, especially when you are about to cross a line. I am grateful for some of the choices I made as a young lawyer because they inadvertently brought me here.

Be Nice To People

Be nice and courteous to people, when times are hard, and when times are good. Give people the ability to keep their worth. Never walk away from a negotiation table letting the other person feel like they lost. They will hold a grudge and find ways to get back at you. Settle for shared wins. For some reason, I never made this mistake. But the first time I did, the deal later went south fast.

Let people feel like equals around you. Let them breathe and keep their self-worth around you. Don’t hold your accomplishments over anyone’s head. That’s a recipe for disaster. You will meet several different people from diverse cultures in varying economic classes. Keep your ego in check, always, and be appreciative of the person they are.

When you can, be available to help people. It doesn’t cost you anything. Be good to people. Be good for the benefit of being good.

Form Valued Friendships

Make friends that can add value and support you. Also, add value to your friends and bring them up. Strive at pulling your friends back when they are failing at something. They will support and pull you back up too when you need it. Keep developing your friends, keep pushing them to grow, to read, to become better.

Today I have CEOs, governors, lawyers, doctors, and highly successful individuals as friends because we didn’t let each other down. We were by each other through thick and thin and didn’t let anyone spiral downward.

Don’t wait till everyone is a minister or president before you start forming relationships. Those relationships never last. Make those relationships now, while you are young. Take those risks now. Your circle of influence will support you while you are older.

Be A Giver Not A Taker

In forming relationships with people, in general, you should always lead by giving and upholding your values. Look out for ways to assist the person’s interest first before you ask for your own. Don’t go running after people with power because you want something.

Be the giver. This is why you need to make those relationships now with people you share the same values with and grow those relationships.

I try not to even ask at all. I give and give and give. Then when I am in need, my friends will offer their help without me asking for it. I get to choose whose help I want because I am a giver. Be the giver.

Say Thank You And Sorry

I grew up learning that these were the magic words. So, I don’t forget to use them but not to the point where they lose their value. I don’t offend people or ask for help often, but when I do, I say sorry and thank you respectively.

It means a lot to people when you are not a frequent offender or consistent asker. Do the opposite. Give before asking. Go for shared wins and be nice to people for the benefit of being nice. Learn to say “thank you very much” and “I am so sorry” when it matters.

Be The First To Say Hello

People are always looking to form great relationships, but great people are mostly introverts. In other to save time and get the ball rolling quickly, learn to say hello first.

Be the conversational starter. Say hello and hi. Be courteous, and you will attract the good.

The people you become friends with and the relationships you form will be limited if you are scared to say hello first. Take the first step, and everything will fall into place.

Build your relationships now because they will serve you. They will, either negatively or positively”.

After his keynote, he answered our questions and told so many stories with them. I took all I could down and left that event with more wisdom than I came in with.

I was privileged to be there.

Take what you can from this and keep moving forward.