10x your Happiness by Finding Rewards in the Events of Each Moment
“If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever — Dan Millman
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi once wrote that the roots of discontent are internal, and each person must untangle them personally with his, or her own power.
This is good news. Happiness is under your control.
We can no longer expect outside forces to dictate our happiness. We have done this for so long, and what did we get? The short end of the stick.
Stop lurching and start reaching out at your experiences engagingly
We are good at lurching from one experience to the other without ever getting lasting satisfaction. Yet, we could have what we have here, and now only if we pay attention.
For most of us, happiness seems like a carrot dangling game that works temporarily, and quickly melts in our hands like chocolate in the Sahara desert.
The Bible records the story of the Israelites whose desires morphed every time they got what they demanded. While they were at the Desert of Sin, they got tired of eating the manna, and demanded they be given meat.
God was so angry with them he rained so much meat until they could no longer stand the sight, thought, and smell of meat. They preferred the manna again once again. This shows how changing, and unreliable our desires, and wants are.
If we can enjoy things without clinging, and letting them own us, then we can reach our own Nirvana.
This could be your time to pause, and review what really makes you happy.
We’ve been stumbling on the wrong definition of what it takes to be happy. And like Santiago in the Alchemist story, we need to come back where we started. There, you will find what had been lying all along for you to discover. The discovery must be done individually for that is how our consciousness works.
You can never look at life from the consciousness of others, your unique personal experiences are what contributes to your quality of life.
Start by defining your own happiness.
When you learn to take control of your consciousness, power will return to you, and no longer will the outside force play their favorite pick-a-boo game on you.
The cashflow game quadrant has its winning rules so is life as far as your happiness is concerned.
To start winning in the game of your life, you have to cultivate control.
The Stanford marshmallow experiment conducted by Walter Mischel, and his graduate students gave children the choice between one reward (like a marshmallow, pretzel, or mint) they could eat immediately, and a larger reward (two marshmallows) for which they would have to wait alone, for up to 20 minutes.
The students who exercised control turned out to be more successful many years later. They were better able to control their thoughts, desires, emotions, reactions, and desires.
Cultivating control over external influences, and internal influences can go a long way in helping you to be happy.
Become independent of the dictates of the mind, body, society, and norms.
Become independent of your habitual reaction patterns. And you can do this by practicing the art of pausing.
How do you begin taking control and freedom within?
- Untangle yourself from the mental slavery of your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
- Unlearn, and learn that only you have the power to untangle your unhappiness.
- Don’t get lost in your anxieties, and worries.
- Always be mindful of where your mind wanders, and what it does while wandering.
- Be aware of your inner critical mind, or ego as referred to by Eckhart Tolle.
- Practice meditation to help you change your relationships with your thoughts, emotions, and environment.
- Always practice pausing before making any move so that you can respond, and not react.
- Be less judgmental of yourself.
- Be kind to yourself.
