100 Powerful Quotes from Psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden

#51. Of all the judgements we pass, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.

I have always been fond of non-fiction books and it’s not every day that I have come across authors such as Nathaniel Branden, whose clarity of thought just transfers to you when you read his work.

The first book I read from him was The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and from page 1, it blew my mind. Every page was filled with such impactful sentences that I highlighted almost the entire book.

Powerful statements like these open up your mind for contemplation. I personally found a lot of wisdom in his works.

Then I read his other works, and I found that most of his words offer valuable lessons about self-esteem, personal growth, and human potential. I assure you that you are going to relate to most of his teachings.

Here are the top 100 quotes from Nathaniel Branden I have collected over the years. You can highlight the one’s you like so that you can use them in future.

#1. If my aim is to prove I am “enough,” the project goes on to infinity — because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.

#2. Regardless of what we think we’re teaching, we teach what we are.

#3. There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.

#4. Some people stand and move as if they have no right to the space they occupy. They wonder why others often fail to treat them with respect — not realizing that they have signalled others that it is not necessary to treat them with respect.

#5. Never marry a person who is not a friend of your excitement.

#6. Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves.

#7. Integrity is congruence between what you know, what you profess, and what you do.

#8. How do we keep our inner fire alive? Two things, at minimum, are needed: an ability to appreciate the positives in our life — and a commitment to action.

#9. What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage.

#10. The opposite of self-assertiveness is self-abnegation — abandoning or submerging your personal values, judgment, and interests. Some people tell themselves this is a virtue. It is a “virtue” that corrodes self-esteem.

#11. Your life is important. Honor it. Fight for your highest possibilities.

#12. Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.

#13. The more I live consciously, the more I trust my mind and respect my worth; and if I trust my mind and respect my worth, it feels natural to live consciously.

#14. It would be hard to name a more certain sign of poor self-esteem than the need to perceive some other group as inferior.

#15. Life, for a human being, is a constant process of thought, of motion, of purpose, of achievement; it is not the state of merely not being dead.

#16. Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself.

#17. Emotionally remote and inhibited parents tend to produce emotionally remote and inhibited children.

#18. Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do.

#19. Experiencing our feelings has direct healing power.

#20. Persons who hate themselves hate others.

#21. If integrity is a source of self-esteem, then it is also, and never more so than today, an expression of self-esteem.

#22. A mind that trusts itself is light on its feet.

#23. My life does not belong to others and I am not here on earth to live up to someone else’s expectations.

#24. To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals — to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may be — and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know.

#25. All positive interactions with other human beings involve, to some degree, the experience of visibility — that is, the experience of being seen and understood.

#26. For the optimal realization of our possibilities, we need to trust ourselves and we need to admire ourselves, and the trust and admiration need to be grounded in reality, not generated out of fantasy and self-delusion.

#27. If I am unwilling to take responsibility for the attainment of my desires, they are not really desires — they are merely daydreams.

#28. Fear and pain should be treated as signals not to close our eyes but to open them wider.

#29. To honor the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by our own mind, and to have the courage of our own perceptions.

#30. Happiness requires not surrender to guilt, but emancipation from guilt.

#31. I cannot organize my behavior optimally if my goal is merely “to do my best.” The assignment is too vague.

#32. Ideas do matter and do have consequences.

#33. Most of us are capable of more than we believe.

#34. If you choose not to live self-responsibly, you count on others to make up your default. No one abjures self-responsibility on a desert island.

#35. In any culture, subculture, or family in which belief is valued above thought, and self-surrender is valued above self-expression, and conformity is valued above integrity, those who preserve their self-esteem are likely to be heroic exceptions.

#36. If someone I like does not return my feeling, it may be disappointing or even painful, but it is not a reflection on my personal worth.

#37. I am responsible for my own existence and happiness.

#38. I accept the reality of my problems, but I am not defined by them. My problems are not my essence. My fear, pain, confusion, or mistakes are not my core.

#39. Instead of seeking self-esteem through consciousness, responsibility, and integrity, we may seek it through popularity, material acquisitions, or sexual exploits.

#40. You can no more have too much self-esteem than you can have too much health.

#41. Living consciously implies that my first loyalty is to truth, not to making myself right.

#42. When we do not express ourselves, do not assert our being, do not stand up for our values in contexts where it is appropriate to do so, we inflict wounds on our sense of self. The world does not do it to us, we do it to ourselves.

#43. When self-esteem is low, we are often manipulated by fear . . . We live more to avoid pain than to experience joy.

#44. Genuine self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves when everything is not all right.

#45. The higher our self-esteem, the more ambitious we tend to be, not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but in terms of what we hope to experience in life — emotionally, creatively and spiritually.

#46. No one is coming to save me; no one is coming to make life right for me; no one is coming to solve my problems. If I don’t do something, nothing is going to get better.

#47. The first step towards change is awareness, the second step is acceptance.

#48. Doing more of what doesn’t work doesn’t work.

#49. I can be loved by my family, my mate, and my friends, and yet not love myself. I can be admired by my associates and yet regard myself as worthless.

#50. While healthy self-assertiveness requires the ability to say no, it is ultimately tested not by what we are against but by what we are for.

#51. Of all the judgements we pass, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.

#52. When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgment of what is appropriate, we lose face in our own eyes.

#53. Praise in public and correct in private.

#54. When we look for solutions, we grow in self-esteem; when we blame, we weaken our self-esteem.

#55. To find it humiliating to admit an error is a certain sign of flawed self-esteem.

#56. Those who believe they have “thought enough” and “learned enough” are on a downward trajectory of increasing unconsciousness.

#57. The wreckage of their personal life is a monument to the magnitude of their unconsciousness concerning the internal world of the self.

#58. The greater a child’s terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder the task of building a strong and healthy sense of self.

#59. Each person has a unique mixture of intelligences, or ways of understanding the world — linguistic, logical, mathematical, spatial, musical, physical.

#60. Self-respect is the conviction of our own value. It is not the delusion that we are “perfect” or superior to everyone else. It is not comparative or competitive at all.

#61. If I enjoy a fundamental sense of efficacy and worth, and experience myself as lovable, then I have a foundation for appreciating and loving others.

#62. When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity.

#63. The obedient student was taught not to challenge authority. The responsible student is prepared to question — and if need be, to challenge — anything.

#64. If differences are accepted, self-esteem can grow.

#65. We do not serve a child’s development by making self-repudiation the price of our love.

#66. What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does, within the context of his or her knowledge and values.

#67. The practice of living consciously is the first pillar of self-esteem.

#68. Our motive is not to prove our worth, but to live our possibilities.

#69. The first steps of building self-esteem can be difficult: We are challenged to raise the level of our consciousness in the face of emotional resistance.

#70. No one was ever made “good” by being informed he or she was “bad”.

#71. If our liabilities pose the problem of inadequacy, our assets pose the challenge of responsibility.

#72. The lower our self-esteem, the more urgent the need to “prove” ourselves — or to forget ourselves by living mechanically and unconsciously.

#73. To look to others as a primary source of our self-value is dangerous: first, because it doesn’t work; and second, because it exposes us to the danger of becoming approval addicts.

#74. When we eliminate negatives, we clear the way for the emergence of positives, and when we cultivate positives, negatives often weaken or disappear.

#75. Brilliant people with low self-esteem act against their interests every day.

#76. To honor the self — to honor mind, judgment, values, and convictions — is the ultimate act of courage.

#77. I send out signals and behave in ways that increase the likelihood that others will respond appropriately.

#78. Since self-esteem is a consequence, a product of internally generated practices, we cannot work on self-esteem directly, neither our own nor anyone else’s.

#79. With high self-esteem, I am more likely to persist in the face of difficulties. With low self-esteem, I am more likely to give up or go through the motions of trying without really giving my best.

#80. It is also true that developing self-esteem diminishes anxiety and depression.

#81. There is a continuous feedback loop between our actions in the world and our self-esteem.

#82. We are the one species that can formulate a vision of what values are worth pursuing — and then pursue the opposite.

#83. The healthier our self-esteem, the more inclined we are to treat others with respect, benevolence, goodwill, and fairness — since we do not tend to perceive them as a threat, and since self-respect is the foundation of respect for others.

#84. It is poor self-esteem that places us in an adversarial relationship to our well-being.

#85. It is not what “they” think; it is what I know. What I know is more important to me than a mistaken belief in someone else’s mind.

#86. To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem.

#87. The level of our self-esteem influences how we act, and how we act influences the level of our self-esteem.

#88. A man whose notion of “power” is stuck at the level of “sexual domination” is a man frightened of women, frightened of ability or self-assurance, frightened of life.

#89. My happiness and self-realization are noble purposes.

#90. Living purposefully entails living consciously.

#91. “Self-assertiveness” without consciousness is not self-assertiveness; it is drunk-driving.

#92. The better I know and understand myself, the better the life I can create. Self-examination is an imperative of a fulfilled existence.

#93. Freedom means change; the ability to manage change is at least in part a function of self-esteem.

#94. For many people, self-surrender and self-sacrifice are far easier. They do not require the integrity and responsibility that intelligent selfishness requires.

#95. When we expand the boundaries of our ability to cope, we expand self-efficacy and self-respect.

#96. Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is in being who they are, not in being better than someone else.

#97. If one partner in a marriage whose self-esteem is deteriorating sees that the partner’s self-esteem is growing, the response is sometimes anxiety and an attempt to sabotage the growth process.

#98. I can fulfill the expectations of others and yet fail my own; I can win every honor and yet feel I have accomplished nothing.

#99. Chances are, when you were young, you were told, in effect, “Listen, kid, here is the news: life is not about you. Life is not about what you want. What you want is not important. Life is about doing what others expect of you.” If you accepted this idea, later on you wondered what had happened to your fire. Where had your enthusiasm for living gone?

#100. One of the great self-deceptions — and one of the great foolishnesses — is to tell yourself, Only I will know. Only you will know that you are a liar; only you will know you deal unethically with people who trust you; only you will know you have no intention of honoring your promise. Whose knowledge or judgment do you imagine is more important? It is precisely your own ego from which there is no escape.

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