10 Ways You Know That You’re A Third Culture Kid

Are you one?

What the hell is a “third culture”, you ask?

It’s being from everywhere and nowhere, all at once.

By the time I was 18, I had lived on 3 different continents already, and that’s less than a lot of my respective “third culture” friends.

Can you relate?

The ‘Third Culture Kid’

From as early as late sixth century B.C, Greek philosopher Heraclitus observed that “You cannot step into the same river twice, for freshwater is forever flowing towards you.”

This ancient insight runs ever so true in today’s increasingly globalized society, where the “monoculture” society is in decline, and diversity is prevailing.

It’s like we are returning to our early nomadic existence, but we have planes now. So in a way, we are like high-speed migrants, changing faster than the seasons.

The specific term ‘Third Culture Kids’ or TCKs, was coined in the late 1950s, by Dr. Ruth Hill Useem. Just like the terms “multicultural” or “global nomad”, TCKs are just another self-label for cross-culture identities.

A label for those who are defined by having spent a substantial amount of their developmental years outside their heritage culture, establishing connections to all cultures, however, not having full ownership of any.

In other words, they are from nowhere and everywhere all at once.

They know more of the world than most, but know no one place entirely.

Their various cultures are assimilated, creating a so-called ‘third culture’, or ‘travel culture’, and it is within this hybrid culture that they can relate to others with similar experiences and establish a sense of belonging.

As a TCK, it is easy to spot another fellow nomad.

So here are a few examples of how to know if you are in fact one…

1. No one understands why your accent doesn’t match your nationality

I have a strangely American accent for a Portuguese person. It doesn’t match; the way I look, the way I sound, and where I am from.

The lack of predictability throws people off.

While this is fine for me, the whole “fit into a stereotype” expectation can be quite offensive, particularly when it’s your ethnicity that doesn’t match up.

A friend of mine on Medium, Tessa Char describes this feeling extremely well in her piece “Stop Telling Me I Don’t Have An Accent”.

My personal annoyance with this is English is my first language despite being Thai, so getting complimented on this feels like an insult. It’s like you’re complimenting me for my ability to breathe — something that comes naturally.

2. You can easily make up an identity to mess around with people

While the whole “you don’t have an accent” thing can feel condescending and problematic, it’s also something you can most certainly use to your advantage for a bit of fun.

As a TCK, you can probably change up your accent with much ease — in fact, you probably do it without even noticing when you’re talking to someone with a different accent than yours.

Like you’re some kind of weird chameleon, an empath, an impersonator, or just a Gemini.

I’ve had a lot of fun messing around with people, making up random backstories about where I am from, and throwing in random words from the different languages I have come across, and cultural facts I know from having international friends.

I think most TCKs have explored this superpower as well, just to get a good laugh out of it.

3. You have friends all over the world and they somehow know each other

As a true TCK, you probably went to an international school, which means, you probably did the IB. And the PYP. And the MYP for that matter.

Somehow, no matter how large the world may be, the international school community is about as tiny as a potty.

I have gotten random video calls from friends, only to find them with another friend of mine that I met in a different country and school.

Time soup… Disorienting time warp situation.

It usually takes me a few moments to wrap my brain around how these people know each other, and at what moments in my life I met them.

But after the initial mindfuck, it’s just a beautiful confirmation that the international school community is very interconnected, and how someone always knows someone who knows someone else, who knows you.

And then you feel less like a nomad, and more like you are part of a group.

4. You don’t believe in forever

Call it afraid of commitment, call it separation anxiety, TCKs are low-key scarred by the constant state of temporary in which they live.

Their defense mechanism is to be prepared for an ending.

This doesn’t make the goodbyes any easier for us though. But it does help us to accept them as a part of life a lot earlier.

Many diplomats and expatriates work in finite contracts that can be as short as one or two years. The shortest I ever stayed in a country was one year, and the longest was 8 years.

You get used to change, but you can also become skeptical about the here and now when you think that everything will be gone again in the future.

5. You are most comfortable when surrounded by international people

As a TCK, your natural habitat is surrounded by like-minded aliens who come from everyone and nowhere.

The comfort is in just that: no one is the same as anyone else. Cultural references are different, and so suddenly, everyone feels together in their aloneness.

Cultural customs, language quirks, and slang are quickly integrated to form a large kerfuffle of references that become part of a larger culture.

It’s also effortless to be politically correct because we were brought up in a constant state of healthy intercultural communication.

“Your circle of best friends is as politically, racially, and religiously diverse as the United Nations.” — Buzzfeed

In a non-TCK environment, it’s easy to feel like a fish out of water. Everyone knows each other since they were embryos, and you don’t know what song they are singing because you lived in a different continent at the time.

You’re the exotic, esoteric, and foreign thing in the room. And it’s not necessary an attractive thing to be at all times.

But among your fellow TCKs, no one is considered to be showing off their cultural experiences because everyone has them. It’s normal to speak 3 languages and to have traveled to more than 10 countries.

It’s not conceited.

6. You’re not actually sure where you come from

The whole “where do you come from” question can be a bit of a pain to answer.

While you might feel more drawn to a certain culture — or cultures — you can’t help but feel that really, your heart is scattered all around the world.

You’re not only from all the places you have lived, but you feel like you’re from all the places you haven’t been to yet, too.

To top that off, some TCKs come from multicultural or multiethnic households, which only adds to the whole identity crisis.

Unable to completely relate to their parent’s culture and yet at the same time labelled as “different” from the mainstream culture they are encouraged to belong to, they are basically cut adrift and left to float in a sort of “twilight zone” state. They form a cultural hybrid, a blend of cultures that can be interesting, but also confusing and frustrating to them. — Nick Voci, The Vancouver Sun, 22 Apr. 1994

At the end of the day, I just give up. I will gladly explain how I feel about home, but I will no longer label it.

7. You don’t have a childhood group of friends

Reunions and childhood friendship gatherings are a myth for the TCK.

What even is that?

Even if we did try, there would always be someone too far away to travel for the reunion.

Of course now with video chats and social media, reunions are easier, but it’s not the same thing.

People don’t follow you through your whole childhood. Just a chapter of it. And you associate them to the different milestones of your upbringing instead of the whole thing.

While it’s sometimes sad to feel rootless in that sense, it’s also quite serendipitous to find childhood friends that you haven’t seen in 20 years in a random country on a random trip, with no previous plan.

Home really is everywhere.

8. You’re not a hoarder because you’re used to moving

When you’re a TCK, you throw shit away.

Not the important scraps of paper with scribbles from friends you care about, or the random artifacts that remind you of certain places or moments, but the rest of it.

The junk.

Your parents would never let you take all that crap around from house to house. The other half would get lost on the move. And somewhere after the 6th move, you’d realize you just didn’t want to have so much packing to do, so you got more comfortable in tossing things out.

TCKs become flexible and more equipped to cope with change at a young age. Their life is in constant motion, and they build a skin of resilience towards change.

They learn to take what they need and leave what they don’t. Though they may often feel lost and restless, they don’t have unhealthy attachments to things, because they know they are just things.

What matters stays with you always.

9. You speak in whatever language comes out first

When in their element, TCKs speak a clusterfuck of a language.

A single sentence may include words, mannerisms, expressions, and musicality from 3 different languages.

It may sound odd and even lazy from the outside, but really, it’s a freedom that is difficult to explain.

Each language describes things through its own cultural lens, so it’s as if you have a larger meaning lexicon to choose from.

It’s not just that the English word occurred to you first, it’s that it describes what you are trying to express in the given moment better than the Portuguese or Spanish, or Mandarin word.

It feels like home to be understood when expressing yourself in all of your ‘tongues’ at once.

When you are constrained to speak in only one language, it’s easy to feel like you can’t be your full self. It’s easy to feel like you don’t belong completely.

10. You look good on a resumé

TCKs generally look great on a CV. It’s almost like they have been gaining experience for it since they were born.

Speaks 4 languages. Check.

Has done volunteer work in a third-world country. Check.

Is adaptable. Check.

Has intercultural skills and competencies. Check.

Has lived in different countries. Check.

For all the struggles of leaving friends and saying goodbyes, TCKs are ahead when it comes to looking good on paper. Be it a university application, or a job interview, their life experience stands out.

And so do their social skills, more often than not.

A 2011 online survey by Denizen, a publication targeting TCKs, found most of the 200 participants made their first move before the age of nine and had lived in an average of four countries. Most had degrees — 30% had a postgraduate qualification — and 85% spoke two or more languages. Those attributes help make TCKs attractive to employers.

Final Thoughts

Did you identify with any of these examples? Would you add any others?

Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear about your TCK experiences.

For unlimited access to my stories and those of other wonderful writers on this platform, become a Medium member through my referral link and directly support me.