10 Uncomfortable Truths The Tinder Swindler & Puppet Master Teach us
Take a break, sit back and watch with keen eyes the Tinder Swindler or the equally gripping Puppet Master documentaries currently being shown on Netflix.
In both true stories, the villains lie, cheat, and psychologically manipulate their victims to gain huge amounts of money. We are talking millions.
The protagonists Simon Leviev (Tinder Swindler) & ‘David’ Robert Hendy-Freegard now David Clifton (Puppet Master) are cruel, evil men. They are masters of manipulation and control, ready to do whatever vindictive, manipulating and callous act necessary to get money.
Both the Tinder Swindler and the Puppet Master served very short prison sentences, both were released and went straight back to lying, cheating, and stealing.
Neither of them showed remorse or guilt for the lives they had destroyed and neither paid back the money they had swindled from their victims. Once released from prison society considers their debt to have been repaid. Meanwhile the victims are perpetually punished and shamed by society, the victims continue to be judged harshly and they pay both emotionally and financially.
It’s difficult to watch these programmes without assuming a moral air of superiority and believing that it will never happen to you. You would never be so stupid to fall pray to such men. But is that really true?
Maybe one of the reasons we focus so much on what we perceive to be the irrational, illogical and downright stupid behaviour of the victims is because by doing so we give ourselves the false sense of security that it will never happen to us. We are not that gullible!
Over the last few weeks I have been discussing the Puppet Master and now the Tinder Swindler with my students. Every single one of them believes the people involved to be ridiculously stupid and every single one believes that they would never fall victim to such people.
I can’t take that stance because I have stood in the shoes of the victims. It’s uncomfortable to admit and the mountain of shame, guilt, vulnerability and stigma that is attached to admitting such a mistake is huge. So I for one am going to say thank you to the victims in these stories for being brave enough to face the shame and ridicule and tell everyone what happened so others can understand more about how these guys operate.
Here are just a few of the uncomfortable truths that the Tinder Swindler and Puppet Master teach us:
- All that glitters is not gold.
Just because a person has good clothes and accessories doesn’t make them trustworthy. Society conditions us to trust people in uniforms such as doctors, scientists or to trust a person in a well tailored suit because that is the symbol of power, money and authority.
If you have 2 people before you, one dirty, smelly and wearing cheap clothing and the other wearing an expensive suit, chances are you will trust the suit because we have been conditioned by society to do that. However, that doesn’t mean they are worthy of our trust. Think bankers. Would you trust them?
2. Never judge a book by it’s cover.
Social media is never real proof of a person’s identity. Just like a good cover on a book is no indication of how good the contents will be.
3. First impressions can be wrong.
Yes, we instinctively judge people but we live in an age where we need to verify our initial opinions. We live in a post truth society where nothing is truly what it seems. When in doubt, go deeper and ignore the shiny photos on social media.
4. Hindsight is a poor man’s foresight.
So what do I mean by this? We all have wonderful hindsight. When we look back at events we say really unhelpful things like; I shouldn’t have done that! God, what an idiot I was! How did I miss that?
Generally we are super critical about our past but if we can just bury the shame and the guilt we can learn from it and then we can use it as foresight to help guide us the next time we find ourselves in a tricky situation.
Most of us, myself included, would really benefit from cultivating foresight so we don’t fall into these situations in the first place. We can only do this if we accept 100% ownership for everything that happens in our life, ask better questions, review and plan.
5. Hustle slowly.
Most people are busy being busy caught up in the day to day drama of life. We never take the time to stop and review and hustle slowly. But all successful people do this; they take time to stand back and review the situation. Only when they have gained perspective and evaluated the evidence do they move forward.
If we scheduled a little review time into our lives each week, a time to reflect and breathe, we might spot more of the red flags and course correct more easily.
6. Stop living in survival mode.
Most of us live in survival mode and we are either thinking just day to day or stuck in the past where we are busy reliving painful past events trying to change the ending.
Both are a useless waste of time which could be better spent on growing your thinking skills.
Growing your thinking skills takes time and practice so it’s best to start small. Plan for next week, then for 3 months then for a year and keep going.
Scammers succeed because they think 3 steps ahead, they plan and prepare. This gives them a huge advantage over their victims which is why planning and thinking ahead is so important.
7. Boundaries & Saying No
Boundaries are part of all healthy relationships but sometimes in an effort to be nice, please people and get people to like us, we place other people’s needs above our own and we fail to set clear boundaries.
In the case of the Tinder Swindler if Cecilie Fjellhøy (the victim)had just taken the time to breathe she would have realised that if Simon Levieve truly did have a billionaire father then why oh why would he need her to take out loans and credit cards to fund his business trips?
A few boundaries mixed with the ability to say no are two effective deterrents that can save you from a broken heart and unscrupulous scammers.
8. Know your self worth.
Value yourself above all others, love yourself, protect, nurture and educate yourself. When you value yourself you won’t give your power to some undeserving scumbag.
9. Take care of your money
Look after your money because if you don’t take care of it someone else will take care of it for you.
10. Get Legal Advice
Always, always get legal advice before handing over large sums of money. The moment you mention the word lawyers, that’s the moment scammers will start to bully you about not trusting them.
At this point you will feel like you have been punched in the stomach, you will be torn because you want to please them and trust them but deep down there is a doubt. You will know you are at a crossroads, do you leave and seek help or stay because you want to demonstrate trust and you are afraid to go.
You may not be able to do this on your own but if you continue on you will lose everything. Your self respect, your money, your sanity.
Finally, forewarned is forearmed
Take a long look at the uncomfortable truths. Is there something that you need to work on? If there is then make time to work on it. Just start with 5 mins a day investing in yourself. It will help to improve your life exponentially.
I’d like to say bravo to all those who told their painful and humiliating stories. Having the courage to speak out in order to protect others is a noble thing to do.
If there is anyone out there who feels they may be in a difficult situation then reach out to me. I am here if you need me.
Live Strong, Love & Prosper
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