10 Signals He’s Mature Enough For Real Love
It’s not a matter of age, it’s a matter of mindset.
As we grow through phases of life, priorities change, as does what we feel ready to step into.
We all become ready for different things at different times. A serious career, a serious relationship, or maybe even a family. It’s important to understand that there is no “right” or “wrong” path in life, but only what’s “right” or “wrong” for you.
For some men, myself included, we want to have a variety of experiences in order to define the life we want to live. It’s a process of figuring things out along the way, developing our own identity and purpose, carving our own path.
Oftentimes this is why my coaching students come to me — to help define this exact clarity needed to live the life that’s meant for them.
These experiences we compile in life bring us new perspectives and a level of maturity that allows us to show up the way we need to for a significant other — if that is part of the path we choose.
For men — I’ve found both through personal experience and discussions with students — some surefire signs in actions (not just words) that signal a readiness to become your teammate.
Here are 9 ways to know the guy you’re dating is mature enough to show up for you:
1. He’s living with the future in mind.
I used to have a tendency to live in the moment. To make decisions based on what I see in front of me and what I want immediately. Purchasing something that wasn’t a good investment, pursuing someone I knew wouldn’t lead to a lasting relationship, ordering takeout even though I was trying to lose weight.
When I began to make decisions based on longer term outcomes, it signaled to me that I was ready to build a deeper foundation. Whether it be a relationship, a career choice, a home buying decision, or otherwise, when we realize the decisions we make today have repercussions down the road, we live a fuller and more meaningful life.
When I met Rachel, it helped me to move out of these immature patterns because I could envision a real future with her, and that required a different mindset than I’d been utilizing in my daily life. Our long term goals were (and are) aligned, and the actions needed to be put in place in order to achieve them.
If I’d met her 5 or 10 years ago, and you told me that I’d single-handedly be supporting (financially) a family of four and living in the suburbs I would’ve looked at you like you had three heads.
I wasn’t ready for it then — far from it. I had to grow into the person who was capable of stepping into this role, and as our roles and goals (heh) will continue evolving into the future, as will I in order to fulfill them.
2. He only says what he means.
It takes a man who is secure in himself to stop saying things just because he thinks you want to hear them.
Maturity means being willing to express yourself fully and to stop making promises you can’t keep.
3. He won’t avoid uncomfortable conversations.
As an extension of #2, sometimes we avoid conversations we don’t want to have because they’re awkward, or could hurt someone’s feelings.
While we should never intentionally hurt or insult someone, maturity shows us that clear communication about both the good and the bad is always the right idea.
It was only when I learned that, that I could build deeper and stronger bonds in my relationships because they were based on honesty and truth.
4. He’s not just trying to get into your pants.
Don’t get me wrong, obviously a healthy sex life is an important part of a happy relationship. My point here is, the sex isn’t going to be the end goal.
Men know when they’ve met a woman they want to invest more time in, and when that happens, sex will be pushed further down the list of priorities and be replaced with conversation and connection.
Maturity also teaches us that all of this makes the sex even better and more fulfilling. Win/win.
5. His intentions are genuine.
How do you know the difference between someone who’s just playing a role and someone who’s genuine in their actions?
Consistency.
Consistency over time is the only way to establish real trust. Consistency in how he acts around you and others, in how he lives his life, in how what he says and what he does are fully congruent.
6. You don’t intimidate him, you inspire him.
Great relationships function as a team. You will have strengths he doesn’t have, and vice versa.
A man who is secure in himself will understand this and allow you to shine in the areas where you excel. Conversely, he will show you his own strengths and what he brings to the table as your teammate.
Men who are still insecure and immature will shy away from a woman who has stepped into a new level because they simply won’t know how to interact. Allow him to be on his way and to find someone in the same stage of life.
7. He faces challenges head on.
Whether it be in his personal or professional life, something shifts in a man when he stops being afraid of rejection.
He will set higher goals, dream bigger dreams, work harder work.
He will take bigger risks and understand that he has the ability to climb out of any defeat.
He trusts himself because he has built up the confidence over time through trials and tribulations.
No relationship comes without challenges, and we need to know our partner will be there to handle them alongside us.
8. He prioritizes you.
When I was younger, I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. I had no interest in making decisions that affected two people, so I purposely stayed single for a long time while I lived my life in whatever way I chose.
It was only when I felt ready to be part of a team and prioritize another person’s interests that I knew a healthy relationship was a possibility.
If I was still unable to compromise and be flexible for someone else, I’d have no business being in a relationship.
9. He always encourages you to be even better.
Relationships are the strongest when both teammates are lifting each other up. Encouraging, inspiring, supporting.
A man who tries to hold you back or drag you down hasn’t yet developed the maturity to understand that you both work best as a cohesive unit when you’re both at your strongest.
Anyone who tries to keep you down is nervous you’ll outshine them and take away their thunder.
The man who’s ready for you will stand beside you so you can shine together.
10. He’s willing and able to grow.
In point #1 I mentioned my path of growth along the journey from bachelor to family man (and growth it has been…)
Imagine, now, if I’d clung to my past self and remained unwilling to make the necessary changes in priorities, in work ethic, in goals, in focus on self…and lack thereof.
My relationship and future with Rachel simply, wouldn’t have been. It couldn’t have. She (or any other woman) requires a man who’s willing and able to grow into the future alongside of her. Just as we, as men, require a woman who’s capable of the same.
None of us can remain stagnant in life and expect to level-up. The two, quite obviously, cannot coexist. Puzzling then, is the amount of people who try to bend reality to their own will.
They hold on fiercely to their patterns and habits of the past, while attempting to crawl forward into the future.
The result is…well, frustration. Stagnation. Failed relationships, failed ventures, discouragement.
We must, if we hope to grow, be willing to change. To let go of the “good” to go for the “great.” To leave the old and immature versions of ourselves behind in order to become the man that we need to be in order to live a life alongside of someone.
After all, at the end of the day, it’s not about what you do — but who you become that will create the life you desire for yourself.
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James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.