10 Secret Ways That Online Dating Screws Men Over
Make connections more fruitful
Most regular guys struggle with online dating.
If you’re one of them, please know: it’s not your fault.
Dating apps stack the odds against men in many ways, leaving them with little chance of meeting a great woman online.
Worst of all, there’s not a thing you can do about it.
Below, you’ll discover 10 secret ways that online dating screws men over.
1. Dating Apps Have A Horrible Gender Imbalance
Men greatly outnumber women on dating apps. Many studies have confirmed this.
This one says that 73% of dating app users in the United States are male. That rises to 85% in the United Kingdom and 91% in Italy.
That means: even if every woman on Tinder found a boyfriend, 91% of Italian men would still be single.
Mama-mia!
2. Women Are Much Pickier Than Men
Women supposedly swipe right just 14% of the time, while guys say yes to almost every other girl (46%).
Of course they do…
Most men would be happy to date a woman who is somewhat young, attractive, or in shape. Many don’t care about any of these factors!
The majority of dudes will lower their standards to get some short-term action, especially since there are no consequences to getting rejected online.
When you consider this, plus the fact women are heavily outnumbered by men, you’ll see why they can afford to be so picky.
Back in the day, women could only pick between the guys who saw them in real life and were brave enough to approach them. Now, they can choose from most of the men in their home city (and probably further out too).
Of course then, average guys will be continuously overlooked. Slightly above-average guys too. Because nearly every woman is being overwhelmed with attention from top-tier men.
3. There’s No Guarantee Your Profile Will Be Seen
Most dating app algorithms will lower your profile’s visibility if too many people swipe left on you.
If you start your Tinder account with a poor selection of photos, you could therefore languish in online dating purgatory forever.
Now, you’re not only competing with an army of dudes for a limited number of women, but they’re all being shown before you.
Then, there’s the filters.
Tinder lets you filter by age and location, which is bad news for the youngest and oldest male users. How many women over 21 are logically deciding they want to date 18 or 19-year-olds? How many are happy to swipe through dudes over 40?
Until recently, Hinge let users filter by height which was awful for all the short kings out there. Interestingly though, you could never filter by weight.
4. Most Women Use Dating Apps For Validation And Boredom Relief
Some 30% of Tinder users are married and a further 12% are in a relationship. The chances are: these people won’t be meeting you for a date. There’s no data to suggest how many of the remaining single women only use the app for the occasional ego boost.
Apparently, one in four women has arranged an online date just to get free food. Others use dating apps to ask men to buy them a takeaway.
5. Catfishing Is Rife
Some 43% of men claim to have been catfished on dating apps and this only includes cases of a fake identity. If the survey counted women who used old or airbrushed photos, that figure would be far higher.
Apparently, one in five women rely on photos of their significantly younger selves on dating apps.
6. You Can’t Show Off Your Personality
Back in the day, most guys had to use their personalities to win over a woman.
You’d need the bravery to approach a woman and the charm to sweep her off her feet.
This made men braver and more charismatic, by the way. They had to be if they wanted to get some action.
But with online dating, it’s no secret that your success is almost entirely down to your photos.
So now, the sweetest, funniest, bravest, most charismatic guy in town gets destroyed by the handsome gym rat who’s too scared to approach women in a bar.
In fact, studies show that the most attractive guys are getting all the girls, leaving even the slightly-above average guys with barely a sniff.
A big reason why is because women can only make decisions based on superficial and logical factors, such as height, physique, and appearance.
(Sure, most dating apps let you write a bio, but it’s tough to make an emotional impact with words on a screen. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words).
7. Throwaway Culture
Most of the popular dating apps adopt the fast and furious swiping format, which made online dating ‘cool’ when Tinder introduced it in 2012.
This speedy decision-making process dehumanises online dating.
It’s no coincidence that ‘ghosting’ only became a thing after dating apps became popular.
Women now seem quicker than ever to unmatch, flake or ghost on a guy who says one thing wrong, due to the unlimited supply of attention that dating apps provide her.
8. There’s No Guarantee Of Chemistry
Let’s imagine you jump all the hurdles, beat all the competition and land yourself a Tinder date who doesn’t flake and looks like her photos.
There’s still no guarantee you’ll have chemistry with this woman.
Maybe she’s got plenty of banter from behind a screen, but is shy and nervous in real life?
No matter how much you message each other, chemistry can only be discovered in the flesh.
9. Higher Charges
It’s no secret that online dating is a business — and prices for premium features have slowly been rising over the years.
It’s also no secret that men are most likely to invest in these features to increase the reach of their profiles.
When you consider that it’s in the financial interest of dating companies to keep men single, is there any wonder why it’s so tough for them to succeed?
10. No Excitement, No Spontaneity, No Growth
Most men rely on dating apps as their number one shot of landing a date.
They tell themselves it’s quicker and easier than approaching women in real life, even when it takes weeks of swiping to attract a match.
But, even if they do manage to connect with women on dating apps, they miss out on so much more.
In 2016, I gave up on dating apps and committed to approaching women in real life wherever I saw them.
I put my dating life into my own hands, rather than depending on an algorithm. I relied on my personality and charm, rather than a selection of photos.
Sometimes, this was in bars and clubs. Other times, it was in malls or coffee shops.
It was nerve-wracking at first, but it got easier the more I practiced.
More importantly, this made me braver, more confident and more socially acute.
I learned how to create a meaningful connection anywhere, without getting wasted and without an app telling me this person liked me back.
This led me to some of the most magical and spontaneous adventures with women that I’ve ever experienced.
I’ve dated women I met on the street. I’ve had sex on the roof of a nightclub. I met my ex-girlfriend as we were queuing to buy ramen noodles.
This might sound unexciting to you, but these serendipitous moments make me feel ALIVE!
It’s certainly more fun than staring endlessly into a screen and swiping on women’s faces.
And it’s likely to be more fruitful for you too.
My book The Thrill Of The Chase explains how I learned to approach women in real life and start attracting the partners I really wanted.