10 Red Flags of a Toxic Friendship
It sucks but we have all been there…
Let’s be honest, relationships can be hard. Whether it’s a romantic one or just a friendship, keeping it healthy and alive takes a lot of communication and effort.
The thing is, no one really talks about friendships and how much effort they also take. One wrong word, some bad communication, and things can take a very unwanted turn. But when did friendships get so…complicated? Because they are complicated even if they don’t have to be.
Well, as it’s expected sometimes things aren’t unfolding the way we hoped them to. And sometimes that means people coming and going from our lives without a warning, no matter how heartbreaking it may sound.
However, friendships aren’t just complicated but they can also become toxic. And that’s when they take a whole other meaning… for the worse. So here are 11 signs (from experience) you are dealing with a toxic friend, that you shouldn’t ignore:
1)You have become their therapist.
Literally and metaphorically. They only contact you when they need help or someone to talk to/ share their problems with. Since they know you’ll always be there to listen, they have no boundaries until you set them for them. But what happens when you need someone to talk to? Are they there for you or just pretend they don’t understand?
2)You often find yourself feeling like you are drowning in negativity.
And often it’s their negativity as they only bring drama into your life. Imagine every time you hang out with that specific someone to constantly go over the same problems again and again. It’s expected to feel like you are drowning but also feel the need to distance yourself to breathe. As the only way they make you feel is how they are feeling which it’s usually negative.
3)They passively-aggressively ignore your existence.
It’s common for unhealthy friends to reach out only when they need something from you. Especially if you have given them the right to treat you like that. What I say in these types of situations is that people can treat you how they like but what really matters is how you react to it! Are you really willing to be treated like that? or will you respect yourself enough to move on?
4)You feel it in your heart that something is off.
Instincts never lie. So sometimes the best thing you can do is listen to your instinct. Maybe it’s telling you that you aren’t important to them or that they seem to lie when they say they miss you and usually there are signs to prove it. Even if it’s easier to avoid them and pretend that there is nothing wrong.
5)They don’t seem happy with your accomplishments.
I’ll never forget the day I got accepted to university (after failing already once and having to re-try all over again). The moment I told my best friend at the time, she told me not to go just because it was away from my hometown and that it wouldn’t be worth it. And then it hit me. All the times she had made feel like crap after accomplishing something. Well, a year after leaving for my studies I saw her again and when I told her about all the amazing things that had happened to me and all about my new experiences let’s just say she wasn't happy about it. Now I know that wasn’t a healthy friendship.
6)You are always the wrong one somehow.
Do you always find yourself wondering what you did wrong this time even after trying to communicate your thoughts and feelings with the other person? That’s not good! Especially if it happens with the same person again and again. That could indicate that the problem isn’t you or your ability to communicate but the other person.
7) For some reason they don’t want you to hang out with others.
Showing signs of jealously after you spent time with someone else is never a good sign. To me, that’s controlling and friendships shouldn’t be that. After all, it’s good to not always hang out with the same person as everyone has something different to offer and it could really help you learn things about yourself you never knew.
8) The things they refuse to do with you, you see them doing with others.
That’s a bad one. And from my experience a hurtful one. Especially if you are sure they hold nothing against you and your friendship seems to be going perfectly fine. It means there is something wrong with the communication so don’t be afraid to express your concerns and speak up. There is nothing worse than holding everything inside and let them pile up.
9)The conversations are always about them.
It’s good to ask your friends how they are doing and genuinely care about them. As sometimes it’s good to get asked how you are doing as well! But that’s not always the case for all friendships. In some friendships, you may find yourself in the role of the listener who gives a bit of advice now and then but that’s not how things should be. You deserve to be heard too!
10)You have the same problems over and over again.
Sometimes you can’t seem to find a way out from things and you aren’t sure why. It can be exhausting. Especially if you have tried anything in your power but things don’t seem to get any better. Or maybe they do but just temporarily.
One thing to keep in mind is that if you need time to “recover” after interacting with a friend, is never a good sign. So maybe consider making space in your life for the ones who truly deserve to be in it and don’t just compromise. There are certain things that life is too short to compromise for!
