10 Reasons White People Don’t Want To Talk About Racism

But you must talk about it if you care about your Black friends

I’ve been publicly writing about racism for over a year. I’ve shared my articles on my social media platforms for all my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances to see. What has really shocked me is the total silence of most of my white friends and colleagues when it comes to discussing overall racism and acts of racism that I have experienced.

Of twenty friends, only one has been courageous enough to talk to me about racism and its birth mother, white supremacy. I’ll call her Alexa for the purposes of this article. Alexa and I met through work about ten years ago. Whenever she’s in town we spend a day together. We’re not particularly close but when I met her this summer and she started telling me about the antiracism books she had recently read as well as her realization that she benefitted from white privilege, I really began to appreciate her a lot more.

I must admit that having these conversations with her has made our bond a lot stronger. Apart from my family, she is one of the only white people in the world who knows me fully — racist experiences and all.

I’ve tried to imagine why the others haven’t had the courage to speak with me about the topic. Here are 10 reasons that come to mind:

1. Talking about racism makes them feel uncomfortable. This is most often what I observe when conversations turn to race. White people get embarrassed and start shifting in their sits, tension builds. I’ve never understood why this needs to be the case. You are not the ones that suffer from racism, we do, so why does it make you so uncomfortable? Mostly what your Black and brown friends want is for you to acknowledge that racism does exist in the world and that you will be there to listen, believe and console them when they experience it. They want to know that you will have their backs when they most need your support and that you will stand up for them against racism. That is what your Black friends expect from you and if you’re a true friend, you won’t shy away from having that discussion about racism and reassuring them of where you stand.
2. They realize they are racist themselves and therefore cannot condemn racism. The other day, a few white friends of mine were complaining about Kosovars in their childrens’ school. They said that they were an aggressive group that always resorted to violence to resolve their differences. They were being blatantly racist, and I must have appeared quite shocked because my mouth hung open. They noticed this and then in an effort to de-escalate quickly said, “We’re not racists, we like Black people we just don’t like Kosovars”. The conversation made me very uneasy. If you make derogatory comments about another ethnic group, you are racist plain and simple. You cannot define racism just as being discrimination against Black people. Racism is words and actions that fuel hatred against a particular group. The comments they made against Kosovars were racist, therefore they are racists. They don’t get a pass because they like Black people, it’s not lesser because it isn’t against Black people. Racism is racism point-blank.
3. They proclaim that racism does not exist. Even with Derek Chauvin’s knee on a Black man’s neck, some white people are actually capable of saying it had nothing to do with race. The same people will say that racism is a construct that Black people made up to bitch and moan. They will perpetually gaslight you and staunchly disagree that Black people are discriminated against. Quite honestly, I feel that these people are delusional.
4. Some people lack empathy, they find it impossible to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. White people that have this personality trait simply cannot imagine what it feels like to be black. This prevents them from ever wanting to speak about racism and the havoc it wreaks on society.
5. Why bother to talk about a problem you can’t fix. This is another attitude I have identified amongst white people. They believe that the problem of racism is so overwhelming that them talking about it will do nothing to change it. For these people, talking about racism is a waste of time.
6. I’m not racist so why talk about it. This is another common comment I hear from white people. They believe that they do not need to speak about racism because they themselves are not racists. The fact is, racism affects your Black friends and they may need to talk about it or ask for your support. So even if you aren’t racist yourself, you’ll need to be able to broach the topic with your Black friends.
7. They believe that racism is a matter for Black people to resolve not them. This is another one that I have heard. White people assume that since racism affects Black and brown people, we should be the ones to resolve it not them. That assumption is totally false. Racism was created by white supremacy and can only be dismantled when that no longer exists. As such, racism is everybody’s business, not just those who are victims of it.
8. They think they have won the lottery of life and don’t care about those that haven’t. I once had a white friend who openly confessed to me that she was glad she wasn’t black. She said she felt pity for all the travails that I had to go through, but she herself did not particularly feel concerned because she’d won the lottery of life being a blond, blue-eyed beautiful woman. She boasted that all men — white, brown, and Black were attracted to her and maybe I’d be lucky in the next life.
9. They live in a country where there are few to no Black people so it’s not a problem. This one I hear every single time there is a case of police brutality in the US. People in Europe simply dismiss the occurrence as something that only happens in America, and this is absolutely wrong. Police brutality against Black people happens in almost every single predominantly white country in the world. This includes the UK, France, Spain, and Switzerland where I live. Under a month ago, a young Black man was shot dead about 50 kilometers from where I live, he had mental health issues and was carrying a knife. He was shot in the back.
10. Older white people say that there is nothing they can do about it, I’m at the end of my life. This is yet another excuse. There is no statute of limitations on when one can start to talk about racism and become an antiracist. It is one of those things you can start at age 5 or 99.

I could go on, but I guess you’ve understood the point that I am trying to make. As a white person, when you are silent about racism, you contribute to perpetuating it. It might be daunting to speak about the topic, but it is something that you have to do. If your Black friends do not want to talk about it, they’ll make it clear. They might not want to discuss it now, but they might want to in a week, a month, a year, or 10 years from now. If they know that you will be there to have that discussion with them when and if they so desire, that knowledge will only contribute to making your friendship stronger.

Thank you for reading my perspective.