The Easiest Way to Have More Freedom: Tell People ‘No.’

How saying ‘No.’ leads to a fuller life, more creativity, and focus.

Saying ‘No.’ sucks. We want to be liked and to agree with others. Saying ‘Yes.’ feels natural, and we are often immediately rewarded by our friends, coworkers, family, salespeople, managers, etc.

Saying ‘No.’ tends to make others mad in the short term. Saying ‘No.’ seems to close doors and can feel unsafe. Saying ‘No.’ seems like a counter-intuitive path to having a whole life.

The more we clear out the unimportant, the more space we have for the important.

The more you say ‘No.’, the stronger your ‘Yes.’ becomes. Here are a few ways to think about this from the requesting person’s point of view:

• If you plan a trip, do you want to go with someone who has a strong ‘Yes.’ or weak ‘Yes.’?
• If you are looking for team members for a new project, do you want to choose someone who has a strong ‘Yes.’ or weak ‘Yes.’?
• If you are hiring a new employee for a job, do you want to hire someone who has a strong ‘Yes.’ or weak ‘Yes.’?

“Focusing is about saying no.” — Steve Jobs.

You want to collaborate with the person who gives a firm ‘Yes.’ While saying ‘No.’, you may feel like you are mean to the other person; you are actually doing the nicest thing you could do. You are giving the friend, coworker, or manager, the space to find a strong ‘Yes.’

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying ‘yes’ too quickly and not saying ‘no’ soon enough.” — Josh Billings

10 Reasons to Say ‘No.’

1. Saying ‘No.’ leads to a stronger ‘Yes.” Great projects, gatherings, and products happen when people are all aligned with their highest values. Everyone wants to collaborate with people who can give a strong ‘Yes.’
2. Saying ‘No.’ is an expression of self-love. When you love and value yourself, it feels easier to say ‘No’ to others’ priorities and say ‘Yes’ to your own. “When you say ‘Yes.’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No.’ to yourself.” — Paulo Coelho.
3. Saying ‘No.’ creates more space and less stress. Having more space in your life leads to less stress and a higher attention span. The more we clear out the unessential in our lives, the more freedom we have for what is essential.
4. Saying ‘No.’ builds trust. If you are always saying ‘Yes.’ you will eventually overcommit yourself, leading to more significant disappointment than a simple ‘No.’ ever could. As you spread yourself thin, your work's quality goes down, and you waste your precious life energy.
5. Saying ‘No.’ strengthens your intuition and creativity. When you develop your intuition, your life will become fuller, creative, and far more magical than you could have imagined or planned for yourself. The more you listen to that still soft voice, the less likely you will hurt yourself or others. Always come back to your truth.
6. Say ‘No.’ when it is the wrong thing, time, or for the wrong reasons. If any one of these does not align, you should say ‘No.’ “Hard choices, easy life; easy choices, hard life.” — a Stoic quote by Jerzy Gregorek. Being true to yourself will set a strong precedence for any opportunity, and you will learn what matters most to you along the way.
7. Say ‘No.’ when it’s not a ‘Fuck, yeah.’ Does something about the project not sit quite right with you? I use this litmus test daily, even for small projects. Don’t settle. Look for the ‘Fuck, yeah.’
8. Say ‘No.’ when you do not have the capacity or your body needs rest. Even if everything checks out on an opportunity, you may not have the capacity. Take care of yourself and pay attention to how you feel. Starting any opportunity that over-extends will likely lead to more significant disappointment.
9. Say ‘No.’ to practice being assertive about your priorities. As women especially, we often struggle to be bold about our priorities and needs. If something is not okay or does not feel right, say so. If you do not make yourself a priority, no one else will.
10. Say ‘No.’ when someone or something makes you feel diminished. In our competitive, consumerist culture, our self-esteem and self-worth suffer. If any form of devaluing or unhelpful criticism precedes a request, walk away. Emotional abuse can be subtle; find people and opportunities that nurture you instead.

Closing Thoughts

Remember, ‘No.’ is a complete sentence. You have no obligation to explain yourself or to make other people happy. Listen to your intuition, and remember when to say ‘No.’ and why saying ‘No.’ often leads to a fuller life:

1. Saying ‘No.’ makes your ‘Yes’ stronger.
2. Saying ‘No.’ is an expression of self-love.
3. Saying ‘No.’ creates more space and less stress.
4. Saying ‘No.’ builds trust.
5. Saying ‘No.’ strengthens your intuition and creativity.
6. Say ‘No.’ when it is the wrong thing, time, or for the wrong reasons.
7. Say ‘No.’ when it’s not a ‘Fuck, yeah.’
8. Say ‘No.’ when you do not have the capacity or your body needs rest.
9. Say ‘No.’ to practice being assertive about your priorities.
10. Say ‘No.’ when someone or something makes you feel diminished.

I highly recommend the path of saying ‘No.’ when you feel in your heart that you should. By developing my self-worth, self-esteem and shaping my own priorities, I have put a higher value on my time. By saying ‘No.’ to my parents’ expectations, opportunities that were not right for me, and enviable promotions, I create a life that I authentically love.

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