IN FOR A PENNY

10 Questions From an Asian Grandfather to a Gay Grandson

A Hilarious and Heartwarming Journey

If you have an Asian grandparent, you know they can be a delightful mix of wisdom, tradition, and unintentional comedy. It’s that particular blend of “old world meets new” that makes for some entertaining conversations, especially when it comes to topics outside their comfort zone.

My grandfather is a wise old soul, with a heart of gold and a mind full of questions. When I came out as gay to my traditional Asian family, my grandpa was the one who had the most questions. At first, I was nervous about how he’d react, but over time, I’ve come to appreciate his genuine curiosity and eagerness to learn.

So, without further ado, here are the ten questions my Asian grandfather had on my gay life, with some hilarious yet heartwarming moments that we’ve shared along the way.

“So, do you only like pink things now?”

Ah, stereotypes. My grandpa, bless his heart, thought that being gay meant I was suddenly going to transform into the epitome of flamboyance, with a wardrobe exclusively made up of pink clothing and accessories. He even offered to repaint my room in “that beautiful shade of pink you like so much.”

I had to explain to him that being gay doesn’t mean we suddenly like pink or any specific color, but that people’s preferences vary just as much as they do in the straight world. Although, to be fair, I do have a soft spot for pastel shades.

“Which one of you is the man and which one is the woman?”

Oh, Grandpa. This was the classic question that most people from older generations seem to ask. The idea that a relationship must consist of a “man” and a “woman” is a product of heteronormativity that many people have been conditioned to believe.

I patiently explained to my grandfather that relationships don’t have to conform to these gender roles, and that we were both men who loved each other. It took some time, but he eventually understood that love transcends gender binaries.

“Can you still get married and have children?”

I could see the worry in my grandpa’s eyes when he asked this. Like many Asian grandparents, he wanted to ensure that the family line would continue, and that I would be happy in my life.

I reassured him that not only can same-sex couples get married, but they can also have children through adoption, surrogacy, or other means. I’ll never forget the relief in his eyes when he heard this — and the enthusiasm with which he started planning my hypothetical wedding and offering unsolicited parenting advice.

“Will you teach me the secret gay handshake?”

This question had me in stitches. My grandpa had somehow gotten the idea that there was a secret handshake known only to gay people — and he wanted in on the action.

I explained to him that there was no secret handshake, but I taught him how to do a proper fist bump instead. He now proudly uses it with his friends at the local tea house, convinced that he’s the coolest grandpa around.

“How do you… you know… do ‘it’?”

I’ll admit, I was a bit taken aback when my grandpa asked this question. But he was genuinely curious and wanted to understand, so I provided a basic, age-appropriate explanation, with a focus on love, trust, and consent.

He nodded along, processing the information, and then promptly declared that he “didn’t need to know any more” and that he would “stick to his traditional ways, thank you very much.” I still chuckle every time I think about the look on his face during that conversation.

“Do you have to wear special clothes?”

My grandpa’s question about special clothes was both adorable and endearing. He was under the impression that gay people had a specific dress code or uniform, like a secret society of fabulous fashionistas.

I told him that, just like anyone else, we wear whatever we feel comfortable in and that there’s no specific gay dress code. However, I did show him pictures from Pride parades, where people often dress up in colorful and creative outfits to celebrate their identity. He seemed quite impressed by the creativity and asked if he could join me at the next Pride parade — as long as he could borrow my feather boa.

“Do you have to eat differently now?”

It’s a wonder how my grandpa’s mind works sometimes. He thought that being gay meant I’d have to follow a special diet, like a secret club with its own culinary customs.

With a smile, I explained that there’s no such thing as a “gay diet” and that my food preferences hadn’t changed. I still enjoyed all the same delicious Asian dishes he’d been cooking for me since I was a child. This seemed to please him, and he immediately began preparing a feast of my favorite foods, stating that he was “glad to know that good taste isn’t exclusive to straight people.”

“Do you need to go to special classes or something?”

My grandpa’s curiosity knew no bounds. He wondered if there were special classes or courses that gay people attended to learn how to navigate their new identity. I couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of a “gay school” where we’d learn the ins and outs of being fabulous.

I told him that no such classes existed and that the most important thing was to be true to ourselves and to support each other within the LGBTQ+ community. I also explained that we often learn about our identities and experiences from one another and that it’s crucial to create safe spaces where people can openly share their stories.

“Are you going to join a gay sports team now?”

I’m not sure where this question came from, but I suspect my grandpa thought that being gay meant I’d suddenly become a sports fanatic. While it’s true that there are LGBTQ+ sports teams and leagues, they’re open to anyone who wants to participate, regardless of their sexual orientation.

I explained this to him and told him that while I wasn’t particularly interested in sports, I had plenty of friends who were. He seemed satisfied with this answer and even offered to coach my imaginary gay sports team, provided we let him design the uniforms.

“Are you happy?”

This was the most important and heartfelt question my grandpa asked. It wasn’t about stereotypes or misconceptions; it was about his love for me and his desire to see me happy.

I reassured him that I was happier than I’d ever been, now that I was living my truth and surrounded by love and support. He hugged me tight, with tears in his eyes, and told me that my happiness was all that mattered to him.

My Asian grandfather’s questions about my gay life have led to some hilarious, heartwarming, and educational moments for both of us. It’s been a journey of learning, understanding, and growing closer as a family. His genuine curiosity and love have shown me that sometimes, the most unexpected people can become our strongest allies and supporters.

So, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, remember to be patient, be open, and be prepared for some truly memorable conversations. Who knows — you might just end up with a grandpa as cool as mine.