10 Important Things I Wish I’d Known When I Was 20

Something would be different if I knew them at the beginning

I will be 43 very soon.

When I was a kid and my mother was my age, I thought she was no longer a young person and felt sorry for her. Now, myself, at that age, I don’t feel old at all. I even see myself as a young person at the beginning of a second life.

But I feel experienced. I have been living in this world for 43 years, which is a long time. I have seen a lot.

These days, I frequently find myself advising my 20-year-old self, talking about my mistakes, my truths, and how things could have been better in my life. It’s as if 20-year-old Gulsun is standing next to me and I’m giving her a lot of advice on how she can do things better. It’s just another way of saying “I wish” for some things, I know that.

These quiet conversations with myself lately have been so frequent that they’re too crowded to spin around in my head. I have to write them to calm my mind.

I should write but not keep them to myself. Instead, I will share them with people of all ages who can read and benefit, especially those in their prime of life. Who knows, it may make someone’s life better. This is no small thing.

Dear friend,

If these thoughts, or rather advice, which is filtered from 40 years of experience, suit you, then apply them in your life, at least think about them. Think and evaluate by filtering with your mind and soul.

If what I wrote seems illogical to you, forget it. Life will teach you new ones anyway. Go on and learn.

Please, but don’t just read and pass, don’t procrastinate, for the suitable ones. Begin practicing right now.

There are tips for every piece of advice. I hope they make your first steps easier.

Let’s begin.

Meet Yourself Honestly and Accept As You Are

This is the first and foremost.

Know yourself.

You probably have no idea that you need to know yourself. However, most of us, including you and me, are unaware of our reality.

Do you know why?

The person we try to be or consider ourselves to often get in the way of the real us. We are so occupied with trying to be better that we forget who we truly are.

We try to change so that the person we love will love us back. We try to be the type of person required to work in an enviable job and achieve status. We devote time to doing whatever it takes to be the popular person with whom everyone wants to be friends. This list could contain hundreds of items. I’m sure the majority of it is already forming in your mind.

Being honest and truthful with ourselves is the best way to get to know our existence, and this begins with self-compassion. When you look in the mirror, the person you see is just one of the billions. She was born into the world as a personality and is doing her best to live her life. She tries her hardest. To deal with life, she requires love, understanding, and compassion. You have the most to give her.

Tip: Spend quality time with yourself, without letting disruptions.

Take the time to listen to yourself, explore, and perceive. I know two things: these are the tools with which you can best connect with yourself: journaling and meditation.

I can’t explain enough the benefits of these two tools. A 15-minute meditation to listen to yourself in a quiet environment can change a lot at the start of the day. And, writing without judging yourself. It’s called journaling, but the name doesn’t matter. Take 15 minutes to write your thoughts and whatever comes to mind without judging.

Do you see? By spending 30 minutes a day, you can go a long way toward getting to know yourself. Furthermore, you will earn the willingness to embrace yourself as you are.

Make Your Inner Self the Boss

Within all of us, there is a power center created by our hearts, minds, and souls. I call this the Human Power Triangle.

The Human Power Triangle represents our inner balance and knows everything about us.

When making a big or small change in our lives, it is the best decision to behave as this triangle approves.

Tip: Look for the sweet spot.

If you’re at a decision point, when you leave the outside world behind and evaluate within yourself, there’s a sweet spot where you feel the Human Power Triangle approves of your decision. You will recognize it when you live it. At that point, you will see the correctness of your decision and will feel very, very strong. That is the time to get started.

Your friends or even family cannot see everything as clearly as this trio. Trust yourself and go. But do not forget that the mind is also an important part of this triangle. Don’t behave only with your heart.

Don’t Give the Driver Seat to Any Other One

You only have one life, one right, and don’t put anyone else behind the wheel of it. Everyone already has a chance to be behind the wheel of their lives.

Caring too much about other people’s opinions is the worst flaw that slows down, regresses, and weakens self-confidence. This is the most detrimental thing you can do to yourself. Unfortunately, I’ve done this a lot. Perhaps because it is easy, but more likely due to my fear of rejection.

Looking back, it was a huge impediment to living a happier life. What a shame. Everything has a delicate balance.

Tip: Take small steps.

Its origins go way back, of course, but since we can’t go back to childhood, we can still make changes today.

Do something small that you want and approve of but believe others will not tolerate. For example, it could be changing the hairstyle or dressing in a different manner.

Start doing what you want in small steps and then feel the pleasure and satisfaction. This will provide you with strength for the future as well.

Value People and Show It Truly

For a long time, I lived as a workaholic. Being successful was paramount to me. On top of that, when my shy character was added, I became very restrictive of my relations with people.

However, my social surroundings were always full of cheerful, intellectual, authentic, and successful people. I was very lucky in this regard. If I could go back today, I’d spend more time with these wonderful people besides working. I would share more with them, I would listen to them sincerely, and I would laugh more.

Tip: Spend quality time with at least one friend every day.

When your friend is talking about anything, no matter what it is, pay attention. Be sincere and honest as well. Over time, you will feel great, become a good friend, and be surrounded by good friends.

Valuable friends are one of life’s biggest treasures.

Focus on Making a Difference, Whatever You’re Doing

While working as a manager, we used to have periodic one-on-one meetings with my team. I would talk about how things were going, listen to if they had problems, and I would give feedback. Honestly, those interviews were one of my favorite times about my job. It was the moments when I felt that I was most helpful to the person on my team.

The biggest piece of advice I gave in these interviews was to focus on making a difference. This distinctive approach made me successful. In my work, I always asked myself how I could do things in a unique and effective way. This awareness is well-known and appreciated in some subjects.

Tip: Make your work so unique that it becomes your signature.

Whatever job you do, how can you do it differently and better than everyone else? Always ask yourself this question, and follow that way.

Put Virtues Always in Focus

Kindness, I believe, is the most fundamental value upon which the world and societies are built.

Being a good person and feeling its high virtue provides a person with one of the most important strengths to cultivate. Be kind to everyone and everything.

When I act in this manner, the virtue of goodness serves as a shield in front of me. I’d go one level higher than my surroundings, and it seemed like no one would dare to do anything to me. This was a feeling I had several times. Virtues are higher than us, and following them raises your upper level as well.

Tip: Respond with a dignified kindness.

Be kind and virtuous to life, to someone who wants to fight, to someone who wants to do evil, to those who swear. Few things will give you more satisfaction, inner peace, and strength than this.

Be a Curious Student Forever

Learning is the most wonderful thing in the world. There is always something new to learn, no matter how old you are. Learning is the most valuable gift that life has to offer. Be open to new experiences and information. Sometimes a little knowledge can make a big difference.

I didn’t realize how valuable it was until I was in my twenties. To be honest, I didn’t care. But now that I’m older, I’m constantly learning new things.

Tip: Make certain routines for learning.

For example, while driving, I always listen to podcasts. There are people I follow, and along the way, I get a lot of information as if I were having a conversation with them, and I learn about the lives of people I could never reach. These also serve as inspiration for my writing.

Live Abroad, At Least For A While

One of my greatest regrets is never having lived abroad. I’ve visited many countries but visiting a country as a tourist isn’t the same as living there.

After university, I had the option of pursuing a master’s degree, but I chose to work instead. In my professional life, I received offers from companies in other countries, but I declined. This is something I regret. I can go now, but it won’t be the same as when I was in my twenties.

Tip: Create the opportunity to live abroad.

Live in a country that is different from your own culture, even if only for a few months. This will provide you with new experiences as well as allow you to test your own limits and get to know yourself better. It could be work and travel, but get going. The road is clear; proceed.

Money Matters, Realize It From An Early Age

I never cared about money in my life. Money has never been more important to me than satisfaction. I have always tried to be generous. I thought the money would come somehow.

When I was younger, I never thought about investing. For me, financial issues were boring. But now I see that if I had made a few right investments back then, my life would have been far different now.

Money is important and valuable. I’m already teaching this to my 11-year-old son.

Tip: Consider saving money.

Be sure to save a certain percentage of your income in any circumstance. Try to invest wisely with your savings. Start with small steps and make an investment basket. Don’t keep all your money in one financial instrument.

Be Willing to Change

The biggest rule of life is to always change. Life is like a river. The water you put your feet in today won’t be the same tomorrow. It will never be. If you become a piece of wood that never stretches in such a flowing river, the flow of the water is sure to break you sooner or later. Instead, it’s best to be flexible and willing to change.

Nowadays, life has been getting much harder and faster. It is vital to be flexible now.

Tip: Start by making small changes in your routines.

Do you always put the same dressing on your salad? Change it by adding one more ingredient. Always change the way you go to work or school, don’t go the same way. For example, if you have a small habit that your partner always tells you about but you don’t want to change, be flexible about it. Let’s say you never turn off the toothpaste tube, and that pisses your partner off. For example, one day, turn it off. A lot will change, you’ll see.

If you enjoyed the story and would like to read more from me, subscribe to get informed whenever I publish.

If you want read more from Medium writers like me, sign up to be a Medium member. It costs $5 per month and gives you unlimited access to Medium stories, as well as supporting me as a writer.